Dating: The Renaissance Festival

The Renaissance Festival: Know your audience before you go.

So, you want to go to the Renaissance Festival.  Here's a few tips before you go for those dating with the "Nice Boy" and "The Good Girl."

For those of us who have read Chaucer, mythology, and early English literature, it comes as no surprise as to the practices of the early English heritage or at the Renaissance Festival.  However, if you are dating an "innocent" who is not exposed to such bawdy language, dress codes, or other "church censored" items, you need either prepare them before you go or get ready for the shock and awe of the exposure.

I suggested going to the Renn Fest this weekend with my new man.  He was excited to go with me, and excited for it being his first time to the Festival.  Little did I know about what kind of exposure he had not been introduced to prior to our visit.  Now, he wasn't too shocked, but rather polite in not staring, so I give him props for making me know that I am the only one he wants to drool at.  However, I told him to enjoy the "historical reference" part of it, rather than the morality reference.  I know that some of it is good upbringing (kudos), but I also know that it comes from having the "censored" versions of Chaucer in high school rather than the bawdy version in college like I got. (Thank you Professor Mike!). 

I further enjoyed pointing out the "no bra" policy.  Bless his heart.

(it was for minor amusement, but also for some historical value).

It was a great time.  We walked around, got food (I love carnival food), saw different vendors and musicians (magnificent, if only I had tip money for them all), and listened in on some of the bawdy versions of children's stories.  We sat and watched a skeleton comedian that bombed out, and still had 8 minutes left to his spiel because he had allotted for more applause and audience participation.  He was trying to do an impression of a celebrity on a rollercoaster, and kept making the roller coaster higher or slower.... LOL...  he bombed really bad, really really bad.

I didn't get to see one of my favorite shows, but he apparently wasn't missed by some of the vendors.  And I also got to have a picture with an Ent (Lord of the Rings reference), who asked to have a picture made with me. :)  I happily obliged. 

But we had a magnificent time, and I enjoyed showing him around, and enjoying the artistry of the vendors.  But I would have prepped him better for the sights had I known. LOL.... I got a good laugh out of the polite "I'm not staring" pose. LOL.....

Dating with Children: When to introduce your child to the new love in your life, the right answer....

I have to say, some men get major props for being so protective about their children and others are just utter disasters, which one are you?

This is for the dad that gets props for being protective of his child.  Someone I know is interested in a single father with a 5-6 year old little girl, and full custody situation, so that you know the majority of the picture.  The little girl has been through 2 "mother figures" and neither were very successful.

Upon a discussion about the friend meeting the new interest's child, he responded that he would introduce the child when he felt that it was time  and when he felt safe and secure in the relationship.  In essence, to make sure that it was not a kiss and dash type relationship.  This dad is very protective of his time with his daughter, has learned how to do mommy things via YouTube (more kudos), and hopes to have a stable mother figure for her when the time is right. 

Dads, if you bring your kid with you on the first date, or your kid is meeting your new interest "the morning after" in your bed, then your priorities need to be re-evaluated.  There is no reason that a child should be involved in your adult relationship too soon, or be exposed to mature behavior.  Your date should also respect that the child is in the house, and wish to keep their distance until such time.  If you are currently seeing someone that isn't careful about how they raise their kids and you want more with that person, rethink your strategy.  He might just do the same thing to your child when you two split up.

I also was involved with someone who had children, though they were live-in extended family members.  I remember when I walked away from that relationship, that I too was leaving those little girls in that man's hands, and wished to God that there was a better path for them.  But knowing about both mothers, I knew that those little girls would face the same fate their mothers would, a traditional role in the family.  (Not saying that there was abuse going on, but he was a rather grumpy type individual, and that he expected women in his circle to take on traditional, burdensome roles that were not "The American Dream" of what a woman would have sought, or at least in my perspective.)

I also remember a guy that ignored phone calls coming from his daughter on our first date.  Mind you she was an adult, but of college age.  That's a very vulnerable time in your life, and parental guidance is a treasure at that point.  When your daughter decides to acknowledge your existence and ask for help or want to talk to you, you should be thankful when you pick up that phone that your child still wants to talk to you.  He let it keep ringing and I finally told him to answer it, and he turned the phone off.  I was less than amused.

Parents who are dating, remember: If you wouldn't want your child to turn out like the person you are dating, then be careful who you expose your child to.  If you want the "dine and dash" type relationships, then you are not a good role model for your child.  That child is the most important responsibility you have, don't mess it up!

The word "Weird": Asset or liability? How do you look at that word?

How do you see weird? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

In my opinion:

That's right folks: Weird is good.  The generic standard person just doesn't cut it for me.  I like a bit of substance, I like a bit oddity, maybe not full fledged freak, but certainly someone who has a way about them with whatever interests they have. 

I'm not saying you have to go out with the next Star Wars geek you meet, but if that's your angle, go with it.  Do you want another rerun of "Mr. Standard- Snooze-A-Minute?" No, thank you.

Now, I will say that I have had a recent conversation with needing to get a little bit of substance in with my new guy.  Not that I said "Get a life, because I have one.," but just that interests outside of our relationship, and currently early in the relationship, it's best to have something to occupy your time when you're not together. 

Our second date we went to the art museum.  I think he truly enjoyed it, I'm not sure.  But he didn't have a negative opinion about it.  And he was able to recall a print we saw there in a fabric design we saw two weeks later.  That takes some flair.  I don't know many guys that can pull that one off.  And I know my ex would have pitched a fit to spend time in an art museum, that was SOOOOOOO not his bag. 

But we saw an exhibit called Kristina Rogers: Into the Labyrinth.  It was a silver print layered collage black and white exhibition, and primarily in a context I work with quite a bit: cemetery and architectural photography.  I pointed out some fascinating bits of the art, and things I recognized from other periods or design methods, etc.  You could see the light bulb turn on from just looking at art, to someone's crafty handiwork.  It was really awesome to watch someone else enjoy the art as much as I do.

Little did I know that he's into crafts, he went to Hobby Lobby the next week and made me something that sits in my room reminding me that he's there.

So, is weird or different a good thing? Absolutely.

Next time you get a text of "Weird, I know" and a frownie face, just think of all the stuff you like to do that isn't mainstream.  And embrace it!

(cristynna.buzznet.net)



A Modern Woman with a historical twist

Every woman feels the struggle between her traditional roles and modern life.  Men only compound that with what they understand about us. 

Our traditional roles have been what originally defined us: little girl, the hysterical female, the teeny-bopper, mother, wife, grandmother, nurse, secretary, stewardess, telephone operator (the Lily Tomlin reference), the cook (not the chef), girlfriend, grocery shopper, clothing shopper, launderess (the one that does the laundry),  the family's "Girl Friday," soccer mom, PTA mom and her PTA wagon, housekeeper, receptionist (both at home and work), and basically any other supporting role you can possibly imagine. 

We have supported men and our families for most of history.  We make sure that our house is clean, our men are presentable, and our family is well represented and fed. 

This is what most men are looking for in reference to "forever" and also assume that is our ultimate goal, or at least in my experience with dating so far. 

Well, here's the hard part- most women, who have passed the college age and are not married currently- have other things on our plates- our careers, friends, charity work, interests, hobbies, and other things outside the home that are also important to us.  Though we still take care of our household or at least a party for one, we maintain a sense of ourselves as well.  Which some men and the general public miscalculate.

In the process of becoming the modern woman, we stipulate that we can still do the traditional roles, but we also are regular individuals who still care to enjoy life if we don't have people to take care of, wash clothes for, burp, change diapers and all that jazz.  Because our lives don't include those things, either by choice or by waiting, we can include more things into our world. 

I may not have changed a diaper in quite a while, but I can certainly reasonably discuss French and British relations, International Relations, the dynamics between Queen Elizabeth I and her cousin Mary Steward and their successor, the travel tips I've learned over the years, making gingerbread houses with my nephew, and enjoying developing recipes rather than just following them.  And hanging out with children is always an option, but I get to give them back at the end of the day right now.  I can enhance myself while I have the time to do it. 

A woman merely learns to adapt to her environment and make a life out of what she wants to see. 

Fish or Cut Bait: When to cut it down to one person to see where it goes

My roommate and I had such a discussion last night. 

So, when do you make one person priority?

First of all, I'm not one to try and cast a wide net, talk to 100 guys at once and not bother getting back to anyone.  I'm one that likes to find someone with similar goals, similar background, a loving family and a good understanding of themselves.  If I don't see that in a person, I simply don't keep them around.  My roommate is the same way.

When I had my first date with my new guy, I was talking to one other person but had yet to meet him.  As the evening progressed, and we made a date for Saturday, I was intrigued that my new guy was actively pursuing me.  The other guy seemed to think I was going to come to him.  He worked weird hours, only wanted to see about making a date on a weekend, and just lazy about the whole thing.  My new guy and I made a date for Saturday, I didn't talk to the other guy (we'll call him Salvador-which isn't his real name, and I forget what his name was anyways) all weekend.  Salvador finally contacted me the following week, after he had missed two weekends of chances to make a date, and I finally told him that I was seeing someone and that I would no longer be responding to contact.  He wished me good luck and left it at that.

My new guy, on our first date, was nervous that he had "competition."  I don't see it that way.  I see it as "who fits better," kinda like trying on pants.  It's not a competition.  If it was, I would have had a check list to win my heart.  The only thing I needed was someone to show me that they cared and they were actively engaged in making a relationship with me, that simple.  I don't put people through a lot of hoops, but I do put them through a first date and expect a second one to even bother with my interest. 

So, my roommate and I were talking last night.  She has been talking to two guys, and the one that she's really interested in and kinda has the same vibe with her asked her how many guys was he competing against.  She was honest that she had just let the other one go, simply because he wasn't what she was looking for, which made the guy breathe a bit better.  They have yet to meet, but even when you don't get the right vibe in texting or phone calls, you don't want to pursue that in person.  It could be a complete disaster.

But here's the thing: if you are casting a wide net, just like everyone else, don't ask questions that will make you anxious, jealous or upset.  If you know it's going to be an answer you don't want to hear or could potentially hear, don't ask it.  I hate it when guys ask me how many people I've dated, how many people I'm talking to and how many people I've been intimate with.  Who cares? If you like me, is my stats really going to matter? 

So, when to fish or cut bait?

When should you cut off all others (forsake all others)?

When you feel that you are in a safe and secure situation with someone you feel could potentially be a mate. 

I don't play around, if I want to be with someone, I won't bother with others and waste my time.  It's not worth the effort. 

The way I did it this time, was "Gee, this guy is genuinely interested in me for me, and he's real.  He didn't put me off like the other guy did."  So, second date, my new guy got the kiss he didn't get on the first date, and he got to watch me light up with the idea of us and the art exhibit he took me to (of his own free will).  He invests in me far more than any man has yet.  And I love it.

I have lovely gifts from him that daily reminds me that I am special to him.  Including this sweet nightlight cube that has some of his texts on it to me.  :)

Deal Breaker: Make it or Break it

You have to decide what you want in life, and what is worth not having.

People forget "their list" once they find this person "The One."  People need to keep in mind what they want, so that they don't find themselves losing their greatest goals in life later on.

Is Children on your "Want" or "Don't Want" List?

Is a House on that list?

Is Education on that list?

What else can be deal makers or breakers are things like: faith, background, anger issues or management, children and how many, lifestyle, finances (the big #1 reason people get divorced), and quality time with each other.

I'm not saying all these need to be hashed out on your first, second or third date, but you need to pay attention to these before you say "yes" to that engagement ring.

If you don't want children, and your partner does, that could be a huge ordeal to address later on, and they may feel deceived if they don't get that part of their legacy.

Pay attention to your goals, their goals and what works in the relationship.

Why am I writing this? What's the purpose?

People have asked me why I am blogging while dating?

Why not?

Seriously, there are seriously funny things that people should read about these awkward vignettes of life, and then there are some truly atrocious things that should come to light.  In this day and age, where you can hide behind a screen until you meet them, you can be anyone you want to be, even to the point of defrauding someone of their dreams of forever or worse, their credit liabilities.

My roommate and I are "thirty-somethings" that are currently on a mission to find the men in our lives that make our lives better than what it was without them.  Though I only generally blog about my experiences and history, anytime she gives me fodder, I'm going to discuss it.

The other part to this is that I, along with other women (and men), are experiencing some seriously bad behavior online and in person.  If you haven't been propositioned for sex yet, you aren't online.  I have been emailed for all sorts of illicit behavior, asked about my personal preferences, and intimacy online before we even met.  I think people have managed to hide behind their computer screen too well, and have really lost their zest for approaching real people.  What if everyone had a level playing field with dating, wouldn't that be a nice dream?

 

So, in an effort to let other people know that "you are not alone," I am blogging experiences I come across in order to either discuss the norm as to what should happen, a correct response to what happened, or expose stupidities in our dating age. 

So that's my "Why?" moment.  If you want me to discuss a certain topic, post a comment, email me a request.  I will be more than happy to discuss your topic. :)

If I could, with this one little blog, change the bad behaviors of dating, that would be awesome.