Dating with Children: When to introduce your child to the new love in your life, the right answer....

I have to say, some men get major props for being so protective about their children and others are just utter disasters, which one are you?

This is for the dad that gets props for being protective of his child.  Someone I know is interested in a single father with a 5-6 year old little girl, and full custody situation, so that you know the majority of the picture.  The little girl has been through 2 "mother figures" and neither were very successful.

Upon a discussion about the friend meeting the new interest's child, he responded that he would introduce the child when he felt that it was time  and when he felt safe and secure in the relationship.  In essence, to make sure that it was not a kiss and dash type relationship.  This dad is very protective of his time with his daughter, has learned how to do mommy things via YouTube (more kudos), and hopes to have a stable mother figure for her when the time is right. 

Dads, if you bring your kid with you on the first date, or your kid is meeting your new interest "the morning after" in your bed, then your priorities need to be re-evaluated.  There is no reason that a child should be involved in your adult relationship too soon, or be exposed to mature behavior.  Your date should also respect that the child is in the house, and wish to keep their distance until such time.  If you are currently seeing someone that isn't careful about how they raise their kids and you want more with that person, rethink your strategy.  He might just do the same thing to your child when you two split up.

I also was involved with someone who had children, though they were live-in extended family members.  I remember when I walked away from that relationship, that I too was leaving those little girls in that man's hands, and wished to God that there was a better path for them.  But knowing about both mothers, I knew that those little girls would face the same fate their mothers would, a traditional role in the family.  (Not saying that there was abuse going on, but he was a rather grumpy type individual, and that he expected women in his circle to take on traditional, burdensome roles that were not "The American Dream" of what a woman would have sought, or at least in my perspective.)

I also remember a guy that ignored phone calls coming from his daughter on our first date.  Mind you she was an adult, but of college age.  That's a very vulnerable time in your life, and parental guidance is a treasure at that point.  When your daughter decides to acknowledge your existence and ask for help or want to talk to you, you should be thankful when you pick up that phone that your child still wants to talk to you.  He let it keep ringing and I finally told him to answer it, and he turned the phone off.  I was less than amused.

Parents who are dating, remember: If you wouldn't want your child to turn out like the person you are dating, then be careful who you expose your child to.  If you want the "dine and dash" type relationships, then you are not a good role model for your child.  That child is the most important responsibility you have, don't mess it up!