Celebrate the little things in life

Being single doesn't have to be fruitless with lack of celebrations: Make up new ones!

So what if everyone around you is having kids, birthdays, Christmas, and family time!  You are single, you go and do anything you want!!!

Just because you don't have the same mile markers as everyone else, celebrate the little things in life for you!  Pay raise, your 30th birthday, Taco Night, Friends coming to visit, a Friend's last wish, a Tuesday night!  You don't have to wait for the traditional holidays to come around-being you and being single- you already broke the traditional mold of not joining the crowd, so break the celebration rules too.

After having done singles events for my church for about 18 months, I got in the habit of finding things to do being single.  My friends and I did Valentine's Day together, girls only, and we would go out to dinner.  We didn't care that we were single, we celebrated it.

Other things I have gotten in the habit of celebrating as a single:  Celebrating life- when someone is sick- you celebrate when they get out of the hospital, or honor things you know they love.  I had a friend in the ICU over Thanksgiving and she missed her favorite holiday- Black Friday.  I made sure to bring in the Black Friday ads for her, in honor of her tradition. 

I also have a friend of a friend who not only is just recovering from months in the hospital, but also recovering from a very devastating breakup.  I told her that when she was comfortable to go out again, she and me and our mutual friend would have a Mexican Food night out in her honor, and in honor of losing a man who was not worth her time.

Celebrate you milestones:  When you get a promotion at work, when you get a pay raise, when you get your Christmas bonus, when you have a great day at work.  Celebrate your own birthday with your friends.  It doesn't always have to be with your blood family, but it can also be with the people who love and support you every day. 

Celebrate a new car, a move, the return from a trip.  Go on vacation for the holidays if holidays depress you.  I know of plenty of people who either go on a cruise or go somewhere wild so that they can celebrate in a fashion they want to enjoy. 

There should be no reason that you should be miserable and covered in other people's kids toys or drool and be constantly asked about when you are finally getting married, having a baby, etc. 

You don't have to "feel single" if you don't want to.

Celebrate in your own way, and forget tradition.  Enjoy your life and forget the rest.


*and a toast to a friend who is doing just that.  He is going on a cruise with his family this coming Christmas, and he's not going to listen to their requests, but rather living it up while he is on vacation. Cheers, my friend!

Noting a milemarker: Over 800 views

Celebrate the little things!  We are over 800 views.  Thank you readers!!!!

Roommates: How much information is too much?

When you and your roommate are in the pool of dating, how much do you talk about your love life to them?  How much is too much?

I have this dilemma currently.  I have a roommate I enjoy having around, we go to dinner together, hang out with her guests together, craft together, watch Harry Potter and Christmas Movies together.  We enjoy each other's company, but we're also both single and in the same dating pool.

How much do you share about your happiness when your roommate isn't having such luck?

My theory:  Don't share too much, you don't want to make them feel bad.  I don't like rubbing salt in the wound of loneliness.  Misery loves company, and joy isn't welcome.  I have been severely quiet about my relationship with her because I don't want to build resentment.  I have kept all our mementos in my room, and pictures to a minimum.  Anything related to our relationship has either been stored in my craft closet, my room or his place. 

She's asked me a couple of times how things are going, and she knows that we have alternating weekends due to the semi-long distance (he lives about 40 minutes away).  But I haven't told her my plans or anything like that because I really don't want to either build resentment or to overshare and then feel the need to extend my relationship with her beyond roommate life.  (long story, but if a wedding is involved there might be a need to add her to the list?... just saying).  I've heard her comments about a recent wedding she went to, and it wasn't uplifting.

So, in an effort not to rub it in, and to be as polite as possible about her situation, I don't share things with her.  I do the single life with her on the weekends- mad dashes for food, night runs to the grocery store, and then go about my quiet little life on the weekends with my boyfriend.

I see no reason to make my life more difficult in attempting to soothe her situation, and try and help when I know I may never get there with helping her.  I just am there if something goes wrong and we need a chips, salsa and enchilada run. 

Dating Photos: another perspective, and a safety perspective.

Yes, photos are a part of the process.  If you don't post any, you will get less inquiries, if any.  Photos display your facial characteristics, your interests, your hobbies, your car, your pets, children, family and friends.  People like to see that you have a life or you can do something.  After all, isn't part of building a relationship being attracted to someone?  Give them the option of seeing if you might be a face they are interested in.

If you prefer not to post pictures, you might as well stay off the internet dating process.  It's not for you.  I once asked a "gentleman" for pictures to be posted to his profile.  He declined saying that he didn't take photos of himself and that it was a vanity thing.  I readily replied that by not allowing me to see photos of himself gave me the impression that he thought he had the right to deprive women of viewing whom they were talking to, and thus making it a one-sided privilege for himself.  He laughed, and I never returned another message.

If people refuse to post their pictures, they do not need a response.  For safety reasons, you should know who you have been conversing with online.  If you go out on a date with them, you should be able to describe who you are meeting to either a hostess or to the police, if the date turns bad.  Though we never want things to turn out sour, being prepared helps lessen the probability.

Photos should display who you are and your world.  One of the most common misconceptions about girls in general is that we care about abs.  I know plenty of women who do not obsess about a guy's abs.  Photos should not render any body part that isn't visible by regular clothing.  Personally, I prefer a keg to a six-pack or a V-shape.  Always save that for later. 

The other misconception is the "junk."  If we have been nice enough to give you our cell phone number, please don't send us pictures of your junk.  Women, in general, know what it looks like, and it's another mystery to be explored behind closed doors.  And word to the wise, thanks to smartphones, your junk can now end up all over the internet.  Don't do it, man!!!

For those who want a good girl, I highly recommend posting wholesome pictures.  Post pictures of your trips, of your friends, of your pets.  The last thing a lady wants to see is you snuggled up with another girl, cheerleaders, or the bedroom photos.  Being drunk or high are also major deterrents.

Vehicles and personal possessions:  Unless you intend to try and capture a gold-digger, don't do it.  If a girl is dating you because of your car, your truck, your bike or your house, that is a girl that wants you for the stuff, not the snuggle.  You can mention that you have things, but you needed post highly expensive rides or habits.  It will either make you look like a boaster, snobby or an idiot for buying something so basic in the luxury world.

I had a first meeting with a guy, and he showed me pictures of a bike that he bought, a Harley Davidson.  Now, I know a little about Harleys.  I know what the popular ones look like and I know what is generally not purchased by the general motorcycle owner.  I know that the one he bought, made him look like a high spending idiot.  And no, he did not get a second date... there was more to it than just the bike, but that was the start of his demise. 

And those oh-so-common wedding photos.  I have heard more people groan about those wedding photos.  The guys always look great, don't they?  Well, if they weren't taken in the last year, don't post them.  Ladies, don't post your personal wedding pictures.  I heard someone did that. 

The photo rule of thumb should be that they present who you are, things you love and things you don't mind being all over the internet.  Make sure that they are somewhat new and fresh to what you've done lately, and don't snap photos of framed photos in glass, we know the difference.  If you haven't done anything this year interesting enough to photograph, time to get outdoors.

And always put your best picture as your main picture.

*I had to post the Martha Stewart photos, it's too funny to think of her actually dating.  Her last husband left her, citing "neglect" as his reasoning.  She also forgot to list felon on her characteristics. 

So Rude!!!!

I have to post this.  This guy thought he was being slick and totally pissed me off.

Guys, if you expect to get any kudos from a lady, you seriously need to pay attention to your surroundings and your manners.  It doesn't matter if she makes less or more than you.  If you come off that you are better than the world around you, you are going to piss off a lot of people. 

I was parking at my local grocery store last night, with a quick list.  I had parked next to an empty parking spot, so I thought I could get about my business.  Wrong!  Some DUDE zipped up next to me, parked, took his dear sweet time getting out of the car.  He wasn't waiting for me to get out of the car.  He thought he had the right of way.  Then he proceeded into the grocery store.

So, in the parking lot, his epic fail was parking next to a freshly parked car.  If you see  freshly parked car, make the effort to NOT park next to them.  I was pissed off, and I let my facial expression show my peeved disposition.  His gaze kinda lingered as though he thought he was being smooth, and it just peeved me more. 

Then he got out of his car.  He didn't offer to let me get out of my car first, which is the gentlemanly thing to do.

Then he went on his merry way into the grocery store, where he proceeded to grab a cart, and then zoom past me on his way to the "Idiot, I can't cook" line at the deli.  I so wanted to walk up to him and tell him he was such a douche.

Yes, ladies, this man was SINGLE!  I didn't see a ring.

Men, if you want to impress a woman, have some manners, even in public.  It makes a difference because you never know who you will run into in public.  It could be your dream girl, or her best friend who will tear you to shreds if she ever comes across you again.

Just a simple thoughtful thing

It's a single pink rose day.  I love roses, and I love that I have a man who buys them for me. 

When moving on is necessary (Part of the Three Strikes Discussion)

It is something everyone in this life experiences, when to move on from any situation.

I have to say that moving on from a dating opportunity is probably one of the hardest, but you have to know when to do so.  There are just some things in this life we have to do, and this is one of them.

I had an ex that was a 5 year friendship.  We tried a relationship for 3 months in the first year, and then when my big relationship ended, he came to comfort me and we tried again.  He had a death in the family, and he didn't return.  He always seemed to want my time when it was convenient for him.

The caveat to this relationship was that he had this panache about him, I always enjoyed the intellectual discussions, the companionship, and the flow.  But when I finally realized that he only wanted me on his timetable, and that making anything permanent wasn't an option, I had had ENOUGH. 

I actually saved the discussion because it is sooooooo priceless as to my will to move the hell on. 

After he said that he was not interested in moving to where I lived and that if only ("if only") we lived closer- on his side of the world- that he would consider a relationship or whatever format he deemed would work for him (my paraphrasing). 

I told him that he made a choice, and that because of that choice, I was severing the relationship permanently.  That I no longer wanted to be in a relationship that was on someone else's time table and not being mutually satisfying. 

He had hoped I wouldn't make that choice and hoped that I would change my mind in the future, as he did enjoy our friendship.  (I don't dig friendships that have strings of benefits along with it.  No relationship, no benefits buster!).  He had hoped that I would have given him credit for being up front that he didn't want a relationship and hoped he had made that clear. 

I told him "Nope, no credit for being honest and up front.  When you came back after my major breakup you said 'if in a year....'  which I wasn't ready for, having come out of the worst relationship.  I said 'We'll see,' and no further discussion on the matter was ever broached until I tried to show you that my feelings were true, and constant, and then the discussion of geography was brought up and you got very silent.  No, no honesty came from your side, only the linger discussion of you and something called 'there.'  You never got there, where ever there was or what it was.  So, at least I'm consistent with my three strikes and that is where 'there' ends for you, and where I begin to find an open and honest relationship."

I haven't heard from him since (whew!).

I can honestly say that I needed to get that downright hellish to make my point for me and for him.  And I hope that this inspires other people to move on in one of those linger relationships where you feel like you're on call.  You seriously have to make up your mind as to what you want, put your walking boots on, and walk all over the person making you feel awful.

I also did something similar when I dumped my longest relationship ex.  I had had enough of him tearing me down, making rude comments, and he had finally pissed my family off so bad that they didn't want him around (major MAJOR bad sign).

I told my dad the day I moved that I had had enough with this guy, and that I was going to let him pay for my moving truck and then would begin the separation process in the next few weeks. 

The starting point of the separation was when I cut my hair, and I like it short so it was short.  He showed up while I was housing sitting, and whined like a baby that I had cut my hair.  I told him that if he was going to act like a baby he could simply go right back home.  He made no other fuss and proceeded, quietly, to head back to his car and drive away.  My cat and I hung out the rest of the night.

That night was the first night my parents were spending on our family vacation that I was supposed to have been apart of.  But because of my stubborn ex, he didn't want the free accommodation that my parents were offering, and told me that we were getting a hotel.  We never booked it, and when they left, I knew I was going to make it come hell or high water.

I called my mom later and asked if there was room for me somewhere, because I would at least be there on Friday for the celebration of the 50th anniversary party we were there for.  She said just come on, we'll find room.

So, I packed my bags, and kept on my little façade that week with my ex.  I never let on that I was headed to the family vacation, or when I was leaving.  He found out on Facebook.  He texted me the Wednesday I left and asked if I was leaving for the beach.  I told him I had already arrived, that I was on a ghost tour and would talk to him later.  He said "ok."  The dude had no clue.

I texted him later that night and said that my friends and I were out late, and about to have dinner so I would talk to him when I got a chance.  He didn't hear from me again for two days. 

During that time my parents, my friends, and other people that were on the trip who have become beloved friends now, had all been saying that there was no way he should have ever treated me like that, and that I didn't deserve it.  I had made up my mind by the time I had arrived at the beach that he and I were at the end of our relationship.  I could finally breathe again, and feel like a human being.

I let him know I was on my way home, and then when I got home. 

The next day (Sunday), I asked him what he was doing, and asked him to come to my mom's to pick up his stuff.  Earlier that morning I had the locks changed on my apartment, without telling him.  My parents didn't want me risking an incident, so they offered to pay for the locks to be changed.

He still had no clue that I was dissolving the connection.

He showed up at my mom's house, and I handed him his little bag of stuff- shirt, soap and some antenna for the tv.  I told him it was over, and that I couldn't date someone that hated me. He said "I don't hate you" and tried to continue soothing me, but I wasn't having any of it.  He said "I never abused you."  I said "Yes you did, everyday."  At that point he got the picture that I was completely done, and he tried to fight.  I told him that I was asking him to leave that he needed to do so before the cops showed up.  He did so without further fussing, and drove away.

It hurt for only a few days, but it felt so good to be myself again.  No one should ever treat anyone like crap. Period. 

I hope that if you are dangling on one of these types of relationships and are ready to get the hell out, I highly encourage you to get your "gumption" up and get the hell out.  It's not worth getting what you don't deserve out of someone who is only giving you what they want to give you.