When moving on is necessary (Part of the Three Strikes Discussion)

It is something everyone in this life experiences, when to move on from any situation.

I have to say that moving on from a dating opportunity is probably one of the hardest, but you have to know when to do so.  There are just some things in this life we have to do, and this is one of them.

I had an ex that was a 5 year friendship.  We tried a relationship for 3 months in the first year, and then when my big relationship ended, he came to comfort me and we tried again.  He had a death in the family, and he didn't return.  He always seemed to want my time when it was convenient for him.

The caveat to this relationship was that he had this panache about him, I always enjoyed the intellectual discussions, the companionship, and the flow.  But when I finally realized that he only wanted me on his timetable, and that making anything permanent wasn't an option, I had had ENOUGH. 

I actually saved the discussion because it is sooooooo priceless as to my will to move the hell on. 

After he said that he was not interested in moving to where I lived and that if only ("if only") we lived closer- on his side of the world- that he would consider a relationship or whatever format he deemed would work for him (my paraphrasing). 

I told him that he made a choice, and that because of that choice, I was severing the relationship permanently.  That I no longer wanted to be in a relationship that was on someone else's time table and not being mutually satisfying. 

He had hoped I wouldn't make that choice and hoped that I would change my mind in the future, as he did enjoy our friendship.  (I don't dig friendships that have strings of benefits along with it.  No relationship, no benefits buster!).  He had hoped that I would have given him credit for being up front that he didn't want a relationship and hoped he had made that clear. 

I told him "Nope, no credit for being honest and up front.  When you came back after my major breakup you said 'if in a year....'  which I wasn't ready for, having come out of the worst relationship.  I said 'We'll see,' and no further discussion on the matter was ever broached until I tried to show you that my feelings were true, and constant, and then the discussion of geography was brought up and you got very silent.  No, no honesty came from your side, only the linger discussion of you and something called 'there.'  You never got there, where ever there was or what it was.  So, at least I'm consistent with my three strikes and that is where 'there' ends for you, and where I begin to find an open and honest relationship."

I haven't heard from him since (whew!).

I can honestly say that I needed to get that downright hellish to make my point for me and for him.  And I hope that this inspires other people to move on in one of those linger relationships where you feel like you're on call.  You seriously have to make up your mind as to what you want, put your walking boots on, and walk all over the person making you feel awful.

I also did something similar when I dumped my longest relationship ex.  I had had enough of him tearing me down, making rude comments, and he had finally pissed my family off so bad that they didn't want him around (major MAJOR bad sign).

I told my dad the day I moved that I had had enough with this guy, and that I was going to let him pay for my moving truck and then would begin the separation process in the next few weeks. 

The starting point of the separation was when I cut my hair, and I like it short so it was short.  He showed up while I was housing sitting, and whined like a baby that I had cut my hair.  I told him that if he was going to act like a baby he could simply go right back home.  He made no other fuss and proceeded, quietly, to head back to his car and drive away.  My cat and I hung out the rest of the night.

That night was the first night my parents were spending on our family vacation that I was supposed to have been apart of.  But because of my stubborn ex, he didn't want the free accommodation that my parents were offering, and told me that we were getting a hotel.  We never booked it, and when they left, I knew I was going to make it come hell or high water.

I called my mom later and asked if there was room for me somewhere, because I would at least be there on Friday for the celebration of the 50th anniversary party we were there for.  She said just come on, we'll find room.

So, I packed my bags, and kept on my little façade that week with my ex.  I never let on that I was headed to the family vacation, or when I was leaving.  He found out on Facebook.  He texted me the Wednesday I left and asked if I was leaving for the beach.  I told him I had already arrived, that I was on a ghost tour and would talk to him later.  He said "ok."  The dude had no clue.

I texted him later that night and said that my friends and I were out late, and about to have dinner so I would talk to him when I got a chance.  He didn't hear from me again for two days. 

During that time my parents, my friends, and other people that were on the trip who have become beloved friends now, had all been saying that there was no way he should have ever treated me like that, and that I didn't deserve it.  I had made up my mind by the time I had arrived at the beach that he and I were at the end of our relationship.  I could finally breathe again, and feel like a human being.

I let him know I was on my way home, and then when I got home. 

The next day (Sunday), I asked him what he was doing, and asked him to come to my mom's to pick up his stuff.  Earlier that morning I had the locks changed on my apartment, without telling him.  My parents didn't want me risking an incident, so they offered to pay for the locks to be changed.

He still had no clue that I was dissolving the connection.

He showed up at my mom's house, and I handed him his little bag of stuff- shirt, soap and some antenna for the tv.  I told him it was over, and that I couldn't date someone that hated me. He said "I don't hate you" and tried to continue soothing me, but I wasn't having any of it.  He said "I never abused you."  I said "Yes you did, everyday."  At that point he got the picture that I was completely done, and he tried to fight.  I told him that I was asking him to leave that he needed to do so before the cops showed up.  He did so without further fussing, and drove away.

It hurt for only a few days, but it felt so good to be myself again.  No one should ever treat anyone like crap. Period. 

I hope that if you are dangling on one of these types of relationships and are ready to get the hell out, I highly encourage you to get your "gumption" up and get the hell out.  It's not worth getting what you don't deserve out of someone who is only giving you what they want to give you.