Showing posts with label Single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Single. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

A Proverbs 31 moment: A wife of virtue/noble character


Proverbs 31: 10-31 starts with "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
Another version says "virtuous" but we'll go with noble.

One of my earliest biographies I read was an autobiography on Agatha Christie (thanks Mom).  I picked her mainly because the book was purple and we had copies of Agatha Christie novels in the house.  I wasn't old enough to enjoy her writings just yet (murder mysteries, but I've read a huge portion of her writings since then).  But I read the biography and loved it immensely.  I only wish I had a copy of the book now. 

What makes a woman "Noble?"  Certainly by birth, but also by how she carries herself.  If you think of yourself as a "Lady" you'll be more likely to assume that disposition rather than treating yourself like trash and becoming it.

There is certainly more to life than physical virtue, but also by being discrete, well-mannered, inclusive of those around you, caring, concerned for the fellow man, and also by what you do.

A woman who can live her life in a way that honors the Lord is also certainly of Noble character.  A woman who doesn't seek wealth, lives within her means, helps support the friends and family she chooses to support (toxic people need to be excluded), and also seeking a life for herself that she enjoys.

A woman of Noble Character in her own right:
Agatha Christie met and married her first husband, Archibald Christie, who went off to war and all that.  While she was away and going through her mother's house after her death, he met someone else and they mutually agreed to separate (open to interpretation).  From her memoirs, it was a hard journey after the split, but she continued on with her writing and all that.  Though she missed him, she didn't dwell on any of the mistakes she made, she openly claimed him as the reason for the marriage dissolution. 

But that wasn't where her life ended.  She didn't stay a divorced woman.  She met and married someone else in her writing circles who enjoyed being 2nd fiddle to her fame.  He became her greatest love and companion in her life.  They lived life and traveled quite a bit in the time they had left.  She lived life abundantly, even after her first marriage imploded.

Max Mallowan, a recipient of the Commander of the British Empire in his own right, was her second husband, and you could tell in her writing how much she cherished him and vice versa.

I write all this to describe a woman who was driven to continue with life.  I think a Noble or Virtuous woman would certainly be those who could go on with life.
And yes, women who have lost a child and made a come back certainly fall in that category. 

A small tribute to my grandmother as well.  Though she never thought of herself as a woman ahead of her time, I would certainly put her in that category.  Having lost both parents before adulthood and being of a semi-wealthy family background, her first marriage was into a family of social standing in Southern California.  She aimed to marry for money, and she did.  However, the relationship soured.  She left him and filed for divorce (Can you believe it? She kept the plane ticket stubs from that flight.  She and I found them in a box more than 50 years later.)  She didn't let that keep her down as a divorced woman.  She got a job and raised her son.  My grandfather, her second husband, fell in love with this remarkable woman who could manage her life without him, but he soon found he couldn't be without her.  They married, and he took her son on as his own.  My grandmother continued to work off and on, while raising a family, but she did retire from a government job.  She continued to have little volunteer jobs throughout her life, including literacy lessons, and working for our church's library.  A donation fund in lieu of flowers was set up and ultimately paid for a Spanish library for the church. 
She also taught me over time to make something of myself independent of a man, and to see and enjoy the world.  She also taught me my passion for cemeteries.  I treasure her and the memories we made always, and keep her in my heart.  Her powder box of alabaster continues to be in a treasured spot in my home.

A Lady, a Noble woman, a Virtuous woman, certainly has drive to continue with life, who doesn't look at the past, who knows what needs to be done and does it.  Someone who has integrity, drive, financially savvy, and savvy with how to handle her household.  It may not always be right in the eyes of society, but if she can sleep at the end of the day, it was done right by her.

Be a woman who defines herself, rather than letting life define you.  Even if you have already started a path of bad decisions, you can always stop and change your stars (movie reference), you can always make better decisions for yourself and your family.

If you are single, and heading down a path of destruction (drinking too much, too many men in your life), you can always make the decision of when that is going to stop.  If you need help to do it, ask someone you trust.  I think I have been able to stay out of that mess by merely having a group of friends who don't indulge in those situations.  You can make different decisions.  You don't have to treat yourself like trash because someone else chose to. 

You can make a definition for your life.  A Noble Woman defines herself.


This crown is that of Lady Diana Spencer.  A woman, who after she discovered her actual role in the Royal Family as only the mother to the heir and spare, made her own life out of what she wanted to see in the world.  Her legacy still lives on. 

The jewels in your own crown are that of your own making.  Think on that.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

A Tribute to Singledom: Part 2

I write a tribute to those who are single for a single reason: to pay tribute to a community that isn't willing to just "get married."  To those who are holding out to find a person that makes them better than they are alone.  In the words of Aunt Alyssia in "Gigi"- "That instead of marrying at once, to marry ... at last."  To wait for that lasting relationship, if such is desired.  

Not everyone gets to meet the love of their life when they are young.  I won't call it fortunate to have done so, because everyone is fortunate in their lives, in lots of different ways.  But not everyone marries young, not everyone marries happy the first time.

I pay tribute to those who, though have not achieved it young, still holds out for the ideal relationship for them.  Knowing that there is a person that makes you better than you are alone.  A tribute to those who desire to marry and make it last, knowing that the decision they make is one of conscious choice rather than emotions and huge risk.  

It used to irritate me that people people kept asking me why I was still single, that I should just find a nice boy and settle down.  I even had a woman who had been married several times tell me that I should marry to have a man take care of me.  I told her that a man wasn't a priority, and that I could take care of myself.

It used to irritate me that people would ask my parents why I would go to college and not land a man.  I love that my parents backed me up and told them that finding a man wasn't the purpose of college. 

The "old-school," down-home, very traditional Southern mindset was that a woman married to have a man take care of her, to bare children, and to run her household.  Women didn't educate themselves any further than high school, if that.  Women were expected to support their families.  

But, the flip-side:  I'm not Southern.  I am a woman who was raised to stand on her own two legs, and never expect that a man SHOULD take care of her.  My grandmother was a trailblazer in her day and age.  Though she married for money, status and security with her first marriage, she soon realized that it wasn't enough.  In the 1930's, she was one of few women to file for divorce and raise a child as a single mother.  She married my grandfather, her second husband, after having been on her own for a while.  Though we can honestly say that it wasn't the perfect marriage, she was the person that my grandfather couldn't live without.  And neither of them married "at once," but rather "at last."
I found out after my grandmother had been widowed for over 15 years, that she had a love of her life and that it wasn't either of the men she married.  She turned him down because he was too short for her, but he cherished her.  

My grandmother insisted that I finish college, travel the world and pursue my dreams before getting sucked into family life.  I started traveling when I was 16, and have continued traveling to this day.  Hopefully, if this relationship continues to work out, we will continue traveling.  I love that she taught me to be so self reliant and self sufficient.  I love that she made me become who I am (with a little help from my mom, of course).
On the flip side of that, she encouraged, along with my mom, that I do everything early on in life because in order to do them later on in life would take an immense amount of strategy.  

But back to singledom:  It's nothing to be ashamed about, but rather something to celebrate.  If you aren't ready for babies, diapers, mass grocery shopping, coupons, colds, flu, and multiple rooms to clean that you didn't mess up, it's okay.  Celebrate it! Celebrate through doing things that aren't on that list.  Accomplish what you want.  Make a Singledom Bucket List!

What would you do if you had the funds and the time?  Would you take a cake decorating class? Travel the 7 seas?  Become a competition bartender? Go dancing til dawn?  Go to nerdy events?

Celebrate a life that isn't tied down to responsibility rather than moping as if singledom were something to be ashamed of or a holding bin until you found the right one.  Go enjoy your life.

A Tribute to Singledom