A Tribute to Singledom: Part 2

I write a tribute to those who are single for a single reason: to pay tribute to a community that isn't willing to just "get married."  To those who are holding out to find a person that makes them better than they are alone.  In the words of Aunt Alyssia in "Gigi"- "That instead of marrying at once, to marry ... at last."  To wait for that lasting relationship, if such is desired.  

Not everyone gets to meet the love of their life when they are young.  I won't call it fortunate to have done so, because everyone is fortunate in their lives, in lots of different ways.  But not everyone marries young, not everyone marries happy the first time.

I pay tribute to those who, though have not achieved it young, still holds out for the ideal relationship for them.  Knowing that there is a person that makes you better than you are alone.  A tribute to those who desire to marry and make it last, knowing that the decision they make is one of conscious choice rather than emotions and huge risk.  

It used to irritate me that people people kept asking me why I was still single, that I should just find a nice boy and settle down.  I even had a woman who had been married several times tell me that I should marry to have a man take care of me.  I told her that a man wasn't a priority, and that I could take care of myself.

It used to irritate me that people would ask my parents why I would go to college and not land a man.  I love that my parents backed me up and told them that finding a man wasn't the purpose of college. 

The "old-school," down-home, very traditional Southern mindset was that a woman married to have a man take care of her, to bare children, and to run her household.  Women didn't educate themselves any further than high school, if that.  Women were expected to support their families.  

But, the flip-side:  I'm not Southern.  I am a woman who was raised to stand on her own two legs, and never expect that a man SHOULD take care of her.  My grandmother was a trailblazer in her day and age.  Though she married for money, status and security with her first marriage, she soon realized that it wasn't enough.  In the 1930's, she was one of few women to file for divorce and raise a child as a single mother.  She married my grandfather, her second husband, after having been on her own for a while.  Though we can honestly say that it wasn't the perfect marriage, she was the person that my grandfather couldn't live without.  And neither of them married "at once," but rather "at last."

I found out after my grandmother had been widowed for over 15 years, that she had a love of her life and that it wasn't either of the men she married.  She turned him down because he was too short for her, but he cherished her.  

My grandmother insisted that I finish college, travel the world and pursue my dreams before getting sucked into family life.  I started traveling when I was 16, and have continued traveling to this day.  Hopefully, if this relationship continues to work out, we will continue traveling.  I love that she taught me to be so self reliant and self sufficient.  I love that she made me become who I am (with a little help from my mom, of course).

On the flip side of that, she encouraged, along with my mom, that I do everything early on in life because in order to do them later on in life would take an immense amount of strategy.  

But back to singledom:  It's nothing to be ashamed about, but rather something to celebrate.  If you aren't ready for babies, diapers, mass grocery shopping, coupons, colds, flu, and multiple rooms to clean that you didn't mess up, it's okay.  Celebrate it! Celebrate through doing things that aren't on that list.  Accomplish what you want.  Make a Singledom Bucket List!

What would you do if you had the funds and the time?  Would you take a cake decorating class? Travel the 7 seas?  Become a competition bartender? Go dancing til dawn?  Go to nerdy events?

Celebrate a life that isn't tied down to responsibility rather than moping as if singledom were something to be ashamed of or a holding bin until you found the right one.  Go enjoy your life.