A Proverbs 31 moment: A wife of virtue/noble character

Proverbs 31: 10-31 starts with "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."

Another version says "virtuous" but we'll go with noble.

One of my earliest biographies I read was an autobiography on Agatha Christie (thanks Mom).  I picked her mainly because the book was purple and we had copies of Agatha Christie novels in the house.  I wasn't old enough to enjoy her writings just yet (murder mysteries, but I've read a huge portion of her writings since then).  But I read the biography and loved it immensely.  I only wish I had a copy of the book now. 

What makes a woman "Noble?"  Certainly by birth, but also by how she carries herself.  If you think of yourself as a "Lady" you'll be more likely to assume that disposition rather than treating yourself like trash and becoming it.

There is certainly more to life than physical virtue, but also by being discrete, well-mannered, inclusive of those around you, caring, concerned for the fellow man, and also by what you do.

A woman who can live her life in a way that honors the Lord is also certainly of Noble character.  A woman who doesn't seek wealth, lives within her means, helps support the friends and family she chooses to support (toxic people need to be excluded), and also seeking a life for herself that she enjoys.

A woman of Noble Character in her own right:

Agatha Christie met and married her first husband, Archibald Christie, who went off to war and all that.  While she was away and going through her mother's house after her death, he met someone else and they mutually agreed to separate (open to interpretation).  From her memoirs, it was a hard journey after the split, but she continued on with her writing and all that.  Though she missed him, she didn't dwell on any of the mistakes she made, she openly claimed him as the reason for the marriage dissolution. 

But that wasn't where her life ended.  She didn't stay a divorced woman.  She met and married someone else in her writing circles who enjoyed being 2nd fiddle to her fame.  He became her greatest love and companion in her life.  They lived life and traveled quite a bit in the time they had left.  She lived life abundantly, even after her first marriage imploded.

Max Mallowan, a recipient of the Commander of the British Empire in his own right, was her second husband, and you could tell in her writing how much she cherished him and vice versa.

I write all this to describe a woman who was driven to continue with life.  I think a Noble or Virtuous woman would certainly be those who could go on with life.

And yes, women who have lost a child and made a come back certainly fall in that category. 

A small tribute to my grandmother as well.  Though she never thought of herself as a woman ahead of her time, I would certainly put her in that category.  Having lost both parents before adulthood and being of a semi-wealthy family background, her first marriage was into a family of social standing in Southern California.  She aimed to marry for money, and she did.  However, the relationship soured.  She left him and filed for divorce (Can you believe it? She kept the plane ticket stubs from that flight.  She and I found them in a box more than 50 years later.)  She didn't let that keep her down as a divorced woman.  She got a job and raised her son.  My grandfather, her second husband, fell in love with this remarkable woman who could manage her life without him, but he soon found he couldn't be without her.  They married, and he took her son on as his own.  My grandmother continued to work off and on, while raising a family, but she did retire from a government job.  She continued to have little volunteer jobs throughout her life, including literacy lessons, and working for our church's library.  A donation fund in lieu of flowers was set up and ultimately paid for a Spanish library for the church. 

She also taught me over time to make something of myself independent of a man, and to see and enjoy the world.  She also taught me my passion for cemeteries.  I treasure her and the memories we made always, and keep her in my heart.  Her powder box of alabaster continues to be in a treasured spot in my home.

A Lady, a Noble woman, a Virtuous woman, certainly has drive to continue with life, who doesn't look at the past, who knows what needs to be done and does it.  Someone who has integrity, drive, financially savvy, and savvy with how to handle her household.  It may not always be right in the eyes of society, but if she can sleep at the end of the day, it was done right by her.

Be a woman who defines herself, rather than letting life define you.  Even if you have already started a path of bad decisions, you can always stop and change your stars (movie reference), you can always make better decisions for yourself and your family.

If you are single, and heading down a path of destruction (drinking too much, too many men in your life), you can always make the decision of when that is going to stop.  If you need help to do it, ask someone you trust.  I think I have been able to stay out of that mess by merely having a group of friends who don't indulge in those situations.  You can make different decisions.  You don't have to treat yourself like trash because someone else chose to. 

You can make a definition for your life.  A Noble Woman defines herself.

This crown is that of Lady Diana Spencer.  A woman, who after she discovered her actual role in the Royal Family as only the mother to the heir and spare, made her own life out of what she wanted to see in the world.  Her legacy still lives on. 

The jewels in your own crown are that of your own making.  Think on that.

Patronizing a Woman

I'm putting this in, because I find it important for people to understand.

Women who have worked hard to be who they are do not want to be patronized. 

There are people in this world who either talk down to you, talk above you, or give you lip service just to get you to go away.  I can honestly say that it is the most infuriating thing on the planet in my book, and one that definitely deserves the rage I give the person that gives it to me.

A man who is interested in a woman should never patronize her in any fashion.  Vice versa for women.  If you are patronizing to people then you have the mindset that what you do, what you say, who you are and anything else about you is better than someone else, or that you know more about the situation than another person.  If you explain or teach what is going on, that is different.

But if you are doing it just to satiate someone else's situation, it is just infuriating. 

I used to date someone that was like that, and when I asked him to teach me it rather than withhold the information because I wouldn't understand it, he continued to withhold the information.

Let's just say, he is no longer in my life.

Educated people work hard to be where they are in life, and to be belittled is so rude.  I have worked for several years to be a person who wants to know what is going on and how can I remedy the situation in either the best fashion or the best fashion for my budget. 

I don't speak down to people because I have been taught it is super rude.  I teach the situation instead.  I work day in and day out for a group of people who are tired of the situation they are in and they just want to be through with the process they have been put through.  The last thing they want is someone to treat them like a child.  I tell them that when they get to me, that it will be easiest part of the process, it's just a waiting game.  They get a full set of instructions, with a check list and where to send their finished documents.  They are in control of their situation and they don't get frustrated at me because either I withhold information or don't explain things properly.  I give them the information they need.

Be conscious about what you are doing and how you are speaking to someone.  Give them the information they need to make sure that they don't get frustrated with you.  Be courteous and on the ball about what you do.  Don't make them feel like they have to beat it out of you to get the right answer or be insulted because you can't explain it properly. 

A Tribute to Singledom

Guys: The Challenge

Guys: I challenge you to dating with integrity.

No, this does not refer to the book "Dating with integrity," however, runs along those lines.  Most women date for the "Happily Ever After."  What are you in the dating game for?

Be honest with yourself- if you are just in it to get the booty call, then do that.  But just do that, don't try and string a nice girl along for the joy ride and dump scenario.  It gets really old after a while, and thus makes the good girls really annoyed.

But if you are sincerely trying to date to find "The One," then date with that intention, and don't seal the deal or do anything that moves you into another level if that's not your intention with her.

In the Bible it says to "Run the race that is set before us."  Men, think of the woman of your dreams as your race.  She is your finish line.  You start that race with the intention to marry her.  You don't start that race and then not finish it.

The Bible also says to "Let your yes be yes and your no be no."  What that means is to be firm in your decision to date with intention and integrity.  If you have no intention on pursuing anything further, then you need to close that door.  Don't linger, don't continue texting, don't continue to put yourself in a position where you are making it look like you have a continued interest in her.

The guy that continues to linger- the guy who wants to be around, and make his presence known, but with no commitment, is a huge douche.  I dated one, three times.  Shame on me the first two times.  He spent 3 months on the phone with me, morning and night, Skyping, etc.  He was also out of state, and I had just gone through back surgery, so the recovery period for me was what was taking so long for the first date.  Anyways, we met, we had a great time together, etc.  And we had planned on a second visit, which never happened.  Then he slowed his calling, and then the calls stopped- they went to voicemail when I tried to find out what was going on.  We decided to remain friends, and did keep in touch over the years. 

Then I finished a really hard relationship, and he showed up about five (5) weeks later, and reclaimed my attention.  He led me to believe that "in a year" we would begin a future.  We went away for a weekend, and then a loss of a family member consumed his time.  Then he never came back.  I dated a few more people, and then told him that I was interested in more, and began to act that way.  He then shut that down permanently, at his choice.  He said he was firm about only wanting to remain friends.  Remember- His Choice!  I told him that based on his choice, I was going to close that door permanently.  I was no longer going to linger on that hope that he was going to come back and be the man I wanted him to be.  He had really hoped that I wouldn't burn the bridge, and to give him credit that he was upfront with me when he came back after my hard relationship, that he only wanted to continue a friendship.  Yeah, how he wanted to be friends was how I perceived a relationship.  So, with that, I told him that no credit was given, that I felt misled, and that I was permanently done with this situation.  I told him he was not allowed to contact me via email, text, phone or Facebook ever again.  I even blocked him from my Facebook page, along with the lovely friend that introduced us- I felt that her involvement and having had two strikes with people I had met from her was telling that I probably shouldn't be involved with her either.

Now, I have my new man, who took that challenge.  He is actively running the race to make me his finish line.  He's been upfront with me since Day One of his intentions, and he continues to show me that he intends to make me his finish line in the Great Race of Dating with Intention.

The discussions I've had with most couples that make it the distance in their marriage, are the ones where the man ran the race with intension.  A guy I knew proposed to his wife with a diary of their dates, with her engagement ring tied to a few pages in the back.  My parents were together since they were 14, and my mom was treated in such a decadent way, that she wanted no one else.  My grandfather, my dad's dad, wrote my grandmother love letters while he was away at war.  My cousin proposed to his wife, while they were in high school- the cheerleader and the football player- he proposed on a hill above the field on a Friday night that he was to play.  My cousin's mom eloped and was married for over 50 years. 

But these men ran with intentions on a finish line to have the woman they eagerly wanted at their side, at their side for the rest of their lives.  I don't know of a single story in that list that ended in divorce. 

Your love story doesn't have to be the grand soiree or the greatest dance ever, but it does have to be intentional, and that's what makes it special. 

Dating with integrity is merely dating with intention to make the one you want for now and forever your finish line.

I challenge you, men, to that race.