Going on 5 months of marriage.... and it's been interesting

 So, it's been 5 months since the wedding, and I enjoy every day with my husband.  His quirks, my quirks, our small discussions about things, and of course the never ending load of dishes. LOL.  All in good time. My sister-in-law (my husband's twin's wife) told me last night that their first year was the hardest, and I'm getting the picture as to why.  It's a time to define who you are as a couple- what you are and how you integrate that into your marriage and your relationships with the families and what you will and won't do in order to please someone else. 

Marriages are never "Happily Ever After" but rather a start of a new journey- one to bond with a partner, build dreams and goals together.  And maneuvering through the other relationships in the family.  It's tough, but there's no where in the Bible that states marriage was easy, etc.  If you love and respect each other, it will go a hole lot smoother.

9 days to go til the wedding, and thoughts on the house.....

So, we have 9 days til the wedding, and we're continuing to receive gifts and putting our house together.  My mom is always an interesting twist on stuff.  She said "I thought you were trying to downsize." LOL....

I, of course, have been talking about getting rid of "stuff" and downsizing to either do "Tiny house" living or something similar.  But I'm finding ways that I can have a smaller house (in cost) and still entertain on the inside.  So downsizing but in other ways.

I have a passion for food and sharing that food with people, but I also have an old book addiction.  Seriously.  Some people collect cats or rescue pets, I rescue old books.  What do I plan to do with them?  Donate them to my college, when I'm ready.  I've been building an Irish History collection of rare and out of print books, and then recently have been picking up older books in other areas including literature, British History, and I recently acquired a 1910 encyclopedia collection.  Why?  Because old books have always fascinated me, and according to studies of children's literacy, a child is more likely to have good reading skills if there are more than 50 books in the house.  To inspire, not to harm my child's (future child if possible) imagination. :)

My grandmother either bought us or gave us an encyclopedia collection when I was super little.  I remember drawing flags from the images in the book, and posting them all over the walls in my room; reading about the renaissance, Egyptology, anatomy, state histories, and all sorts of stuff.  I don't think I would have discovered so much had it been limited to the internet.  Having internet is a great thing, but when you have small people, you tend to want to have a better filter on things and having it limited to your library is pretty much the easier course of doing so.  I know had the internet been available when I was small, my mom probably would have not let us use it except for projects for homeschool.  My wanderings through my encyclopedias were totally recreational, and I loved every minute.

The other part, is with the house, I'm going through and deciphering what's still in fab shape that I can send along and find another home for items.  We had kept his pots and pans, not anticipating that we would be replacing our pots and pans so quickly.  Plus new crockpots and plates and such, it certainly warrants a look at older platters that are still in great shape to share with friends and family as they build their entertaining dishes. 

We're still not sure what to do with housing in the future and such, but hey, I continue to give away what is not used to bless someone else's pantry of fun. :)  And of course, build an awesome collection to donate to future students.

THE DRESS FIT!!!!!

I finally got around to trying on my dress.  For the sheer reason the groom reads my blog, I am not posting that picture.


But we had a good moment of trying on the dress.  It was the women of my household: My mom, my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) and my aunt who is currently undergoing cancer treatments and living with my mom.


The dress was in this really tiny bag, shipped from China, and it unraveled so beautifully.  Just the palest of pinks, and tulle everywhere.  The applique shined so beautifully. 


My sister-in-law and my mom helped me into my dress and let me look in the mirror, and my aunt climbed the stairs, which she seldom does, to come see me in my dress.  It was a great moment to enjoy my dress and the women surrounding me.


I only have a few things that need to be adjusted, but if I didn't get them fixed it wouldn't be the end of the world.


THE DRESS FITS!!!!

Whoooo Hoooo!!!!!

It's almost here.....

As the wedding gets closer, I am putting together my house and getting things done.  Not much to do now that I've got everything pretty much ordered, appointments completed, my dress fits, etc.


I've been enjoying getting in touch with people I haven't talked to in years, and enjoying that some of them are close enough to get back in touch with.  I found out one of all-time favorite history professors actually lives in the zip code I work in.  I'm thinking a dinner is warranted soon.  He was actually one that fed my weird history interests, and allowed me to do a paper in Argentinian history called "The Wild Women of Argentina" my thesis statement was based on a quote, by a Ms. Ulrich which said "Well-behaved women seldom make history."  He and another professor encouraged me to continue with getting a Masters in History, but that wasn't in the cards.  But because of those two I am working on a donation of rare and out of print Irish History books and other hardbacks to be donated when I'm ready to my university. 


Hope to see him soon.


We'll see.


Only thing I have left that is wedding related to order is my fiancé's tux, and then get the house ready for wedding photography since we're doing our dressing pictures at the house (separate rooms, I pay attention to superstition).


Hugs and love to you all
~Melissa

Is it wrong I'm not remotely interested in trying on my wedding dress just now?

My wedding dress arrived yesterday. 

My move is on Saturday (the roommate kept the townhouse, my fiancé and I are moving two blocks over to a fully renovated one floor apartment, bonus on both ends for me).

And it's allergy season.

Is it wrong I don't want to drive all the way out to my mom's to go and try on my dress and do a girly thing right now? 

I know the dress arrived yesterday at my mom's house, and if it had arrived at my house, I probably would have wanted to open it and look and try it on.  However, I am moving on Saturday, I have massive allergy issues right now, I need to do laundry, etc. My schedule is full without a trek out to my mom's to try on a dress I'm scared might not fit.  Though custom sized, I still am trepidatious about the dress not fitting properly.  I'm all sorts of odd shapes, and I gain weight wayyyy too easily.  It doesn't take much to put me into the next size of pants. 

I asked a girlfriend of mine at work if it was wrong that I had no remote interest in going to try on my dress at present, and she was like "You need to march out there, with a bottle of wine, and put your dress on! It's not Prom for heaven's sakes, this is your wedding dress!"

So, I've already gotten the push to go and do the visit with the dress, I just am so overloaded right now that trying to do anything fun is going to ruin the moment I want to try the dress on, in that moment.  I think that's why I told my blessed mom that I would address that next week. 

Poor Mom, I'm sure she's dying to see what the dress looks like, see how it fits, etc. 

The family version of 3 strikes and you're out: Doesn't exist apparently

I have to keep this vague in order to not name the guilty.  Some things that just go down are unacceptable and frustration comes out and there's little else you can do but blog.


I'm used to my hard and fast rule of three strikes and you're out.  My mother advises me that in family terms it doesn't exist. 


No matter how many times you get cancelled on, snubbed, discarded, "educated," and suffer the stupidity of family, you cannot completely ban them from your life.


Damn.


I was kinda hoping to go back to my drama-free life that was up to my standards.  According to my mom, it doesn't work that way.


Damn.


I enjoyed a life prior to my wedding that was nearly drama-free, now I'm subject to People of Wal-Mart" tactics to start family fights and I'm trying my damnedest not to encourage anything.


I want to give back gifts that come with strings, I want to stop being "educated" on how to properly behave to a woman I wouldn't want my children subject to, etc.


I don't need to be educated how to handle my life, I can already do that.  If you have to have your damn finger in every pie, then go find another damn pie.  I'm not having you dip into my life without my consent.


Yes, today is foul language in the blog, sorry.  I'm seriously frustrated.

1500 pageviews: Thank you, I am honored

Thank you to all that continue to read on.

I can tell you these last few months have been somewhat hectic.

I swear they need a Looney bin for brides after the wedding.  So many things going in so many directions, so many things to be planned, and so many things to manage.  I get the Bridezilla factor now.  If I didn't have so much background in this stuff, I would probably lose it too, and nearly have.

I am thankful that my event planning, menu planning and cake planning were all in one.  Made my appointment schedule so much easier, and everyone that is involved in the vendor aspects of the wedding are super excited as they get to use their talents for such a special event, and in ways that they had wanted to maneuver their talents.  My cake decorator is actually stringing sugar pearls for my cake (he's always wanted to do that), the chef for the restaurant is building my menu from scratch not from the menu (with his signature flair), and the photographer has always wanted to shoot at that venue.

I can honestly say everyone involved is just as excited as I am, and the ways that things have been brought together have just been magical (artistic consciousness??), but it's all coming together as I want and how I hope.  Excited beyond words.

Hugs and love my friends and those who follow me.

I'll post more dating stuff as it comes up from input I get, but it sounds like the reverse of this blog just got turned into a movie. LOL

Tree of Life: the family interactions.

For some reason family dynamics never go as you imagine.  Thanks to our (the general single society) handy dandy habits of falling in and out of love, the family tends to get wary of whomever you drag home and then the fun begins.

It's been a bumpy road so far interacting with family, on both sides, just mine was less so.  With the side of the groom, there are sooooo many more family members to interact with, and for some reason a matriarch who gets offended that I won't spend time with her, but then finds some reason for not spending time with me or some barrier of another sort.  And most of the time the barrier she chooses is rather offensive to me.

For some reason, there has been lack of information flowing from her side as to getting things on calendars.  We are supposed to be going up to the family valentine party (the first in family history, I might add) this weekend.  I was honored with an invitation from a church lady at my own church to attend a program her daughter is putting on, and it's the same day.  I asked my groom to ask his mother what time the party was due to a possible conflict.  What returned as a response was a lot more of a lecture about the importance of family than about simply saying what time the party was.  I texted back to her on his phone, stating that it was me of course, that we were not intending to skip the family party, but that we were not informed on the time of the party, and thus attempted to see if I could squeeze both events into the day, but that since we had confirmed that we were going to the family party, that we would certainly be there.  All that response was met with was a "Thanks so much."

I realize she's trying to keep the family together, but the family will continue to have this disharmony as the family continues to grow and move away, it's normal.  I can't help it that I live an hour away and need to get things on the schedule in order for us to travel rather than being available on a whim.  I'm not one that will live directly behind a family member so that they can keep tabs on me or available at the drop of a hat.  Another brother and his wife live nearly 2 hours away, and it is more so important for them to know what's on the schedule too. 

There are a total of five children in this family, all with their own lives and dramas going on, and of which I have chosen not to get involved in all the family stuff as I try to plan the wedding, the food, the wardrobe, the guest list, the pre-marital counseling, the events I attend in regular life, oh, and also attempting to move two households in all this mess.

My own family situation is also a concern, I have a full family residence at my mom's residence as well, with other various concerns.  I really don't have the time to function on everyone's schedules, or entertain the drama.  I can invest in the people I can reach, and that's about where I draw my line. 

My groom and I are trying to really invest in our upcoming marriage, the friends we are making and investing in at this time, the family members that have extended invitations for visits, attending church, and working on home stuff.  I would really appreciate it if those who were requiring us to spend time with them made it a bit easier in this transition or at least just made things a bit more smooth in this whole situation.

And I would have appreciated that my invitations be taken up on rather than for me to show up and be ready to go, only to find out that plans have changed on a whim.  It's really upsetting that I spend so much time working on presenting myself well and then to have such a reception. 

Wedding Checklist

I finally went over my wedding checklist, from a book I've had for years.  From their 1 year checklist, I've cleared 9 months of hurdles in less than 90 days.  Not too shabby.  Only thing now is to finish the last 3 months of tasks, which get a bit busier: decor ordering, marriage counseling, dress ordering (only thing I didn't achieve in that 9 months checklist), etc. 

Having worked for a stationary company, and having to read wedding etiquette and wedding checklists in order to assist brides in choosing stationary, has helped a bit while working on my own wedding. 

The wedding crazies continue, but having seen the checklist over a year, I feel good about how far I've gotten. :)

A Productive Snow Day: How I spent my snowed in days....

The fun part: I got stuff done.  The not so fun part: Not doing it with my fiancé.

I put up a little bit of spring to remind us what is to come, and the season in which my wedding is. 

I managed to be a little productive this weekend, while snowed in.  I ordered my small amount of invitations, my guest book, and a cooking product I've been eyeing for the last 6 months.  I got bored on Sunday, and started watching QVC.  They had the product I wanted on an easy pay.  How's that for trying to indulge but trying not to blow the entire wedding budget. LOL.

The wedding guest book, I used Shutterfly and uploaded my engagement photos and then placed them into a photo album I already designed.  Should be fun for the wedding. :)  It was on sale. 

The wedding invitations were awesome to order.  I started on Wedding Paper Divas, a company that works with Shutterfly for wedding invites, and they had a sale going on.  I decided to check Vista Prints, who had a better deal.  I got over 100 pieces for less than $55.00, for less than 20 invites.  Not too shabby.

Picking a minister was hard though.  Though I have many connections on ministerial options (there's a word for I know a lot of preachers, LOL).... I decided to go with one whose wife is someone I absolutely adore, and he's in a more advisable location for us to do marriage counseling.  Otherwise, if I had gone with my more traditional choices, we would have been trucking it to Mint Hill either on weekday afternoons, or weekends, depending on whose available.  At least with this minister, who I have a huge fondness for because of his darling wife, will be fun for the wedding, and will be halfway between us as we are in the middle of this transition.

The fun part:  I just found out the place I want to get my wedding dress from- a Chinese dress maker- just got sued in Federal Court for copyright infringement.  Dumb filing though- who on earth sues an international company in Federal Court, and then also sues on Fashion Copyrights.  Morons.  Like it's gonna do any good.

On the hunt for a Mother of the Bride Dress for my mom..... this is gonna get fun. :)

Crazy life, crazy wife-to-be: Wedding planning

My darling friends, blogging has been so not-on-my-mind this week.  I apologize.  It has literally been crazy.  Mailing lists, wedding invites, engagement photos, menu planning, apartment packing, moving, laundry and the majorly mundane all rolled into one.

If you are planning on getting married at any point in your life, get some reading in before any of it starts.  Trust me, it helps in the long run.  However, there is no telling what you can get yourself into until you actually get into it. 

Life this week has consisted of trying to stay afloat with appointments, shopping, traveling, hospital visits (family and friends), etc.  Mad house!

So, I apologize for not staying in the blog this week, just super smashing busy. 

Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll post something soon.  ~M

Praying for peace this morning

My world has been thrown upside down in the last several weeks, with the engagement, and living arrangements and all that.  Let's just say that some of the response hasn't been so easy to stomach.

This morning, I am praying for peace in the situation and for God's hand to move.  God knows that I want to follow what He wants for my life, and He knows what the situation itself requires. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, Acknowledge HIM, and He will make your path straight. 

Lord, may this prayer be heard and answered.  Lord please help this situation find peace and a soft resolution.  If I need to cover the minimal expenses to close this matter, then let it be.  Lord, allow a bright light in this person's life to guide them to the gracious answers and gracious response that this situation requires.  You know what this situation requires, what it needs to be resolved.  I trust in You, no matter what.  May Your Hand lead me.

Though there may be a lack of trust in the situation, I pray that You create the environment necessary for this situation to resolve smoothly. 

Alice Paul: A woman who knew what she wanted out of life

Happy Birthday Alice Paul.  American Women's Suffrage owes you a huge debt of gratitude.  Thank you for your hard work in a woman's right to vote, a woman's right to live her life as something other than property.  Thank you for making a difference.

If you are really interested, you would be in constant communication

This is your best weapon in the battle for the heart, if you are unable to be together.  Use it!

As Patti Stanger said, "You should be on his mind all the time."  "You should be on his calendar on the important nights of the week: Friday and Saturday."

Guys: If you actually like someone, don't play it cool.  Don't be their friend, don't just tip toe around them.  Do something about it.  If you really find someone interesting, you will make a point to be in their lives.

A friend of mine recently told me that a guy that she was interested in waited 10 days to call her while on a business trip.  Um, not a good footing there.  It gives us (women) time to rethink you.  If you don't want to be an afterthought, don't be.  Make a point to share some of your day with her, each day.

Don't be a pest, and respect her work time, but make sure you make a concerted effort to let her know you are on her mind, in a non creepy fashion.

Don't linger too long, you will be kicked to the curb if you wait too long.

If you don't want to be found out, don't do it: living a life of integrity and honesty

This is my big pet peeve with people.  If you don't want to be found out, don't do it.  If I find out, I will tell on you.

Now, is it appropriate? Yes, when it hurts another human being.  If you are doing something that could potentially damage someone else or your child, you are darn straight I'm going to call you out on it.  Even if its to your partner, I sure as hell will tell on you if you are doing something unacceptable.

This goes back to my "Three Strikes and You're Out" policy, along with my "One Strike" list.  If you are cheating on your partner, or doing something that you wouldn't want them to find out about, then you shouldn't be doing it at all.  If you do anything to compromise her or your child, I will bring it to someone's attention.  It definitely won't be you, it will be the woman who is questioning your fidelity.

Recent events in which I spoke out and told the woman my solution was to cash in whatever she had from him, take the baby and sue him for child support, resulted in the offender going back to the source and trying to find out why I would say anything of that sort.  Gee dude, if I have to say something, I'm either concerned for the woman in the middle, the child you are the sperm donor for, or I'm concerned that she's going to the man I'm about to marry about very intimate details of her own relationship with you and telling her suspicions about what a piece of shit you are.

I don't tolerate much, and when I find out someone I've been seeing is trying to find something else, he's usually on the curb before anything happens.  Unfortunately, I only had one instance where that wasn't the case and he hid it well for quite some time.  He didn't get away with his awful treatment of me for long though.  I let him pay for a move of mine, and then he was given his walking papers about three weeks later.  And I kept the TV.

But if I hear that you are stepping outside of your own relationship, and she's concerned and asking other people, you are darn going to hear what I have to say.  If you put my family in the middle of it (in this case they both put my fiancé in the middle) then yes, I will speak up and say something.  I think cheating is rotten, and the people that do it should have their cheating bits ripped from them.  I don't find it respectful and I believe it teaches children unacceptable behavior and that they should put up with from their own partners.  I sincerely respect the reason people stay, but don't do it because of the person who cheated on you.  They don't deserve it.  If you come back to the relationship, you need to come back into it with standards you set for both of you in order to not have that happen again.

I can say that I nearly saw that happen with a family close to me, and I'm glad someone spoke up and said it was inappropriate before it went any further.  The recent events, we'll see.

People need to speak up a lot more about unacceptable behavior.  With all the diseases and consequences that ruining your relationship comes with, you should maintain integrity in your relationship or suffer the consequences thereof. 

Dating: Things you don't do to meet a potential date...

Society has a set of "acceptable" parameters for meeting people.  Here's the list on where not to meet someone, or rather the definition of "creepy pick-ups:"

1) If you meet them at their job, don't stalk them.  They are there for a living, not to make a love connection.  Though they are always there, don't dominate their time trying to talk them up.  If they are a sever, you'll make your dinner really awkward, waste their time trying to make money, possibly get them fired, and if they are not interested and you keep coming back, you make their work environment very awkward for them.  DON'T DO IT.

*If you like them, leave them your number.  That's all that acceptable, period.

2) If they work in an awkwardly sexual job, don't go to their job.  I don't care if they invited you, that's CREEPY.  If they are a massage therapist, a stripper, work at Victoria's Secret, etc., don't visit them at their job.  Massage therapists are not hookers, and not looking to get labeled a hooker, don't put them in an awkward situation, they will call the cops.  Don't be "THAT GUY" that met his wife in a sexual environment.  If you want any respect or your future partner to have respect, don't visit her place of work.  Period.

3) Hanging around the Grocery Store.  This one gets to be a pain.  If you are just hanging around a grocery store, trying to talk up people, it's seen as you don't have enough to do in your life, and creepy.  Women go to the grocery store to collect food for their household, not to pick up some guy.  If you think someone is cute at the grocery store, write your number down on a piece of paper and ask for a moment of her time during her shopping trip.  Say "Pardon me, I just happen to notice how pretty you are, and would like to get to know you better when you aren't busy."  Being considerate of her time is huge.  Enough people try to waste a woman's time.  Have enough respect for her NOT to absorb her household chores time.

If you want to meet people, buy them a drink at a bar, go to a book store, go to your favorite places or try online.  But the listed places are especially off limits.  Take note.

To be at peace with yourself before you date.... it makes a difference....

This word is not the hippy connotation.  It is in fact the word that was preached throughout the Bible.  Let the Spirit bring you peace.  But also within that context, to know yourself is also to find peace.

If you can live with yourself, you can find peace.  If you are constantly in turmoil over who you are, what you do, who you are, what you identify, then you need to seek what you do want to be.  Find peace in your life with your job, your life, your hobbies, your friends, your energy, etc. 

I don't know about you, but I would rather have someone who is comfortable with who they are rather than someone who wants to get married to find their identity in who they can become.  Though usually it's typical that men and women gain social standing upon saying "I do."  You have to know who you are when you walk down that aisle rather than merely throwing yourself into a relationship merely to satisfy society.

I got to a point, before I met my fiancé, that I was comfortable if I never met "The One."  I could be the exciting spinster.  And it was a huge transition to even think of myself as "engaged."  Panic attack registered.  I just got to a point where I started planning my life as though it was just going to be me in this world, and that I was going to lead my life. 

And that's when it hit.  I met "him."

I can't say the results are the same for everyone, because everyone's love story is different.  But if you are still single, just get comfortable with yourself and brace yourself for the long haul, and enjoy life.  It'll happen when it's supposed to happen, but don't sacrifice your current social life for the lack of a date.  Go out and do something.