If you are really interested, you would be in constant communication

This is your best weapon in the battle for the heart, if you are unable to be together.  Use it!

As Patti Stanger said, "You should be on his mind all the time."  "You should be on his calendar on the important nights of the week: Friday and Saturday."

Guys: If you actually like someone, don't play it cool.  Don't be their friend, don't just tip toe around them.  Do something about it.  If you really find someone interesting, you will make a point to be in their lives.

A friend of mine recently told me that a guy that she was interested in waited 10 days to call her while on a business trip.  Um, not a good footing there.  It gives us (women) time to rethink you.  If you don't want to be an afterthought, don't be.  Make a point to share some of your day with her, each day.

Don't be a pest, and respect her work time, but make sure you make a concerted effort to let her know you are on her mind, in a non creepy fashion.

Don't linger too long, you will be kicked to the curb if you wait too long.

Patronizing a Woman

I'm putting this in, because I find it important for people to understand.

Women who have worked hard to be who they are do not want to be patronized. 

There are people in this world who either talk down to you, talk above you, or give you lip service just to get you to go away.  I can honestly say that it is the most infuriating thing on the planet in my book, and one that definitely deserves the rage I give the person that gives it to me.

A man who is interested in a woman should never patronize her in any fashion.  Vice versa for women.  If you are patronizing to people then you have the mindset that what you do, what you say, who you are and anything else about you is better than someone else, or that you know more about the situation than another person.  If you explain or teach what is going on, that is different.

But if you are doing it just to satiate someone else's situation, it is just infuriating. 

I used to date someone that was like that, and when I asked him to teach me it rather than withhold the information because I wouldn't understand it, he continued to withhold the information.

Let's just say, he is no longer in my life.

Educated people work hard to be where they are in life, and to be belittled is so rude.  I have worked for several years to be a person who wants to know what is going on and how can I remedy the situation in either the best fashion or the best fashion for my budget. 

I don't speak down to people because I have been taught it is super rude.  I teach the situation instead.  I work day in and day out for a group of people who are tired of the situation they are in and they just want to be through with the process they have been put through.  The last thing they want is someone to treat them like a child.  I tell them that when they get to me, that it will be easiest part of the process, it's just a waiting game.  They get a full set of instructions, with a check list and where to send their finished documents.  They are in control of their situation and they don't get frustrated at me because either I withhold information or don't explain things properly.  I give them the information they need.

Be conscious about what you are doing and how you are speaking to someone.  Give them the information they need to make sure that they don't get frustrated with you.  Be courteous and on the ball about what you do.  Don't make them feel like they have to beat it out of you to get the right answer or be insulted because you can't explain it properly. 

Ladies: The Challenge

There was a challenge for the guys, now there is a challenge for the ladies.  If you want a man to date with intent, you also need to do so.

If you want a guy to date you with intent, then you need to compose yourself like you intend to date with intent too. 

Don't be that girl that dresses up for the red light district, complete with hooker shoes, short skirts and lots of make up.  If you want a guy to take you seriously, dress and act like you want to be treated.

Ladies, compose yourself as ladies first of all.  A man knows what to do with a hooker, be something other than that.  Be someone who expects to be treated well, to expect a conversation, to expect doors to be opened for you, to have the bill paid by your date, and someone who brings more to the table than a drop dead gorgeous body and heels. 

I'm not saying to point that out to him, a lady doesn't criticize a man for their bad manners, but helps guide things.  Just wait until he makes the "duh" move.  *Most good boys already know how to do this without being prompted.  My man's mama trained him well.

Dress accordingly:  Dress according to the restaurant or event, not the man.  A man will always want a short skirt, 5 inch heels and hooker red lipstick.  A classy lady dresses according to the occasion- if it's a bar, jeans and a nice shirt; if it's a museum, a little more than that; tennis shoes only when necessary; and as little make up as possible.  If you have a furious flaw that you can't stand, then go ahead, but otherwise, as little as possible.  Good girls don't wear makeup you have to scrap off with a shovel at the end of the night.  No "Coyote Ugly" here.  Be real, be fresh, be yourself.

Appropriate discussions:  Hookers will talk about anything just to get paid.  Ladies discuss intelligent things, have a wide range of knowledge, hobbies, interests, and skills.  A lady keeps the discussion above board, is discreet when needed, and tries to guide the discussion back to things that are acceptable at a family dinner table when they have been diverted from. 

What you talk like will reflect on how he thinks about you.  If you talk trash, you stay trashy in his book.  If you can discuss non-trashy topics, he'll remember that.

What a man wants out of a good girl:  First of all, you don't have to be a good girl to compose yourself properly.  Everyone has a past by the time they are 25 or older.  However, if you want to be treated in a particular way, then act a particular way.  A man who is looking for a good girl is looking for someone to be his best friend, who can carry on a conversation, who can make him better than he is alone.  He's looking for someone who can take care of herself and her man with little effort.  A woman who can control her world rather than her world controlling her.

When at a restaurant:  Don't waste the time of your waiter- you aren't there to spend time with them.  Be prompt, be ready. Look at an online menu before you go so that you can be ready to roll and spend time with the guy you are dating rather than the menu and the waiter.  Know what you want to drink before you get there.  And know that if the date isn't what you thought it would be and you need to dash- pay at the bar and leave.  Be ready to foot your bill.  A lady is ready for anything.

When out and about: be ready to know something about where you are going.  Be his tour guide.  Know how to navigate where you are going.  *I took my new man to the Mint Museum.  I had been dying to see this fabulous chandelier there for years.  I had seen a documentary on the artist, and then I also knew a bit about art mediums and artists, so as we went through the museum, I could look at pieces and talk about them with him.  I turned him on to an art aspect that I love and adore.

I'm not suggesting to do that much research on art, if you aren't into art.  I just happen to have that much exposure to art, because I love it and have a college background in it. 

Take him somewhere that interests you.  If you like food, teach him about food; if you like shoes, take him to a shoe exhibition; if you like baseball, ... you get the idea. 

If you go shopping: Be conscious of what you are doing and what you are spending.  Only spend what you can feel comfortable spending if it was your own budget.  Letting him know you can manage your money is a huge turn on for guys.  *My guy when we go out shopping, I only let him spend about $100 on me at a time.  I can't emotionally go over that mark, unless I'm buying something planned. 

If there are big purchases to be made: discuss them first, do your research.  Don't walk into an expensive commitment without knowing what it is first.  (jewelry, cost of maintenance, big furniture- where does it go and function).  I already know that I cannot maintain a house on my own, so I rent.  I know I don't want to do Christmas yard decorations, so I don't.  I did my research on a collector's bracelet he wanted to get me so that I knew what I was looking it and not spending over what I was comfortable wearing on my wrist. 

If you are shopping for him:  Don't try to make him better than he is, just polish him up a bit.  If you don't like what you are working with, be a lady and separate yourself from someone you cannot work with, period, end of statement.  Nothing is ruder than trying to make him something he is not.

On the other hand, shop with him, see what he likes, see if he's ever tried something, and see what you can polish up.  Or just occasionally.  Don't try to force him to wear a suit all the time if he works in jeans and a t-shirt.

I will say this, if he buys you something, thank him and cherish him for the thought- even if it doesn't fit.  He made a huge effort to try, and that makes a huge difference.  My man did, and missed my size by about 4 sizes (too small).  I was touched, but I also told him what my actual size was and what I liked.... so, trying to guide him in the right direction.  ;)

Men like to be taken care of.  But here's the catch, they want to be taken care of properly, not in a fake way.  Be genuine, thank them, be verbal about your appreciation for them or find some way to let them know that you appreciate them for who they are.  Men are very motivated to hear words of encouragement when they are doing what you like, love or cherish.  Don't ever forget that. 

On a personal note, I absolutely suck at personal affirmation.  I am upfront and honest about it.  What I do instead, I buy him cards that can express that better than I can so that he can have a collection of loving words from me, on paper, to remind him that he makes my world grander than I was by myself. 

Just as much as Dating with Intention on the guys side is important, it is that much more important for a woman.  Don't be that girl that dates a guy for his money or assets, or future earnings.  Date him and cherish him for who he is. 

Guys: The Challenge

Guys: I challenge you to dating with integrity.

No, this does not refer to the book "Dating with integrity," however, runs along those lines.  Most women date for the "Happily Ever After."  What are you in the dating game for?

Be honest with yourself- if you are just in it to get the booty call, then do that.  But just do that, don't try and string a nice girl along for the joy ride and dump scenario.  It gets really old after a while, and thus makes the good girls really annoyed.

But if you are sincerely trying to date to find "The One," then date with that intention, and don't seal the deal or do anything that moves you into another level if that's not your intention with her.

In the Bible it says to "Run the race that is set before us."  Men, think of the woman of your dreams as your race.  She is your finish line.  You start that race with the intention to marry her.  You don't start that race and then not finish it.

The Bible also says to "Let your yes be yes and your no be no."  What that means is to be firm in your decision to date with intention and integrity.  If you have no intention on pursuing anything further, then you need to close that door.  Don't linger, don't continue texting, don't continue to put yourself in a position where you are making it look like you have a continued interest in her.

The guy that continues to linger- the guy who wants to be around, and make his presence known, but with no commitment, is a huge douche.  I dated one, three times.  Shame on me the first two times.  He spent 3 months on the phone with me, morning and night, Skyping, etc.  He was also out of state, and I had just gone through back surgery, so the recovery period for me was what was taking so long for the first date.  Anyways, we met, we had a great time together, etc.  And we had planned on a second visit, which never happened.  Then he slowed his calling, and then the calls stopped- they went to voicemail when I tried to find out what was going on.  We decided to remain friends, and did keep in touch over the years. 

Then I finished a really hard relationship, and he showed up about five (5) weeks later, and reclaimed my attention.  He led me to believe that "in a year" we would begin a future.  We went away for a weekend, and then a loss of a family member consumed his time.  Then he never came back.  I dated a few more people, and then told him that I was interested in more, and began to act that way.  He then shut that down permanently, at his choice.  He said he was firm about only wanting to remain friends.  Remember- His Choice!  I told him that based on his choice, I was going to close that door permanently.  I was no longer going to linger on that hope that he was going to come back and be the man I wanted him to be.  He had really hoped that I wouldn't burn the bridge, and to give him credit that he was upfront with me when he came back after my hard relationship, that he only wanted to continue a friendship.  Yeah, how he wanted to be friends was how I perceived a relationship.  So, with that, I told him that no credit was given, that I felt misled, and that I was permanently done with this situation.  I told him he was not allowed to contact me via email, text, phone or Facebook ever again.  I even blocked him from my Facebook page, along with the lovely friend that introduced us- I felt that her involvement and having had two strikes with people I had met from her was telling that I probably shouldn't be involved with her either.

Now, I have my new man, who took that challenge.  He is actively running the race to make me his finish line.  He's been upfront with me since Day One of his intentions, and he continues to show me that he intends to make me his finish line in the Great Race of Dating with Intention.

The discussions I've had with most couples that make it the distance in their marriage, are the ones where the man ran the race with intension.  A guy I knew proposed to his wife with a diary of their dates, with her engagement ring tied to a few pages in the back.  My parents were together since they were 14, and my mom was treated in such a decadent way, that she wanted no one else.  My grandfather, my dad's dad, wrote my grandmother love letters while he was away at war.  My cousin proposed to his wife, while they were in high school- the cheerleader and the football player- he proposed on a hill above the field on a Friday night that he was to play.  My cousin's mom eloped and was married for over 50 years. 

But these men ran with intentions on a finish line to have the woman they eagerly wanted at their side, at their side for the rest of their lives.  I don't know of a single story in that list that ended in divorce. 

Your love story doesn't have to be the grand soiree or the greatest dance ever, but it does have to be intentional, and that's what makes it special. 

Dating with integrity is merely dating with intention to make the one you want for now and forever your finish line.

I challenge you, men, to that race.