Guys: Have a little fashion sense, the girl is gonna look good, you should too.

This is probably the most common complaint I hear:  The girl made an effort, but the guy didn't.  Guys, would it kill you to wear clean jeans, non work clothes, take a bath???  Put a little effort into your clothes, you know she will.

This is no joke, the most common "bitch session" I hear from people.  The girl comes home from the date and she goes "Would it kill him to make an effort?  I wore heels, put a little make up on, and he wore a hoodie and work boots!" or something similar.

Guys, if you are going to a bar, a restaurant or something, the least you could do is take a shower and put clean clothes on.  But seriously, if it's a first or second date, you know she is going to make a bit of an effort in order to make a good impression.  You totally should make the same effort.  Do your hair, put on some clean clothes, wear some of your best shoes (not your church shoes), and some snazzy jeans and a nice shirt.  And maybe a little cologne (not a lot, but enough.  You don't need to bathe in the stuff). 

Ladies most assuredly will dress to the occasion by wearing something a little more than their work clothes, wearing heels possibly, a bit of make up (not too much), etc.  We always make an effort to make sure that our first impression matters.  Our greatest problem is usually the guys don't dress to the occasion, thus making it look like they didn't care, or worse that they are just humoring us or trying to get booty.

If you want to make a good first impression, make a little effort.  This also refers back to another post I made about the most hilarious comment I heard from a guy "I wish women weren't so detailed."  Trust us, we are, and we are watching what you do, what you wear and how you carry yourself.  If you want us to take you seriously, then take yourself seriously.

Patronizing a Woman

I'm putting this in, because I find it important for people to understand.

Women who have worked hard to be who they are do not want to be patronized. 

There are people in this world who either talk down to you, talk above you, or give you lip service just to get you to go away.  I can honestly say that it is the most infuriating thing on the planet in my book, and one that definitely deserves the rage I give the person that gives it to me.

A man who is interested in a woman should never patronize her in any fashion.  Vice versa for women.  If you are patronizing to people then you have the mindset that what you do, what you say, who you are and anything else about you is better than someone else, or that you know more about the situation than another person.  If you explain or teach what is going on, that is different.

But if you are doing it just to satiate someone else's situation, it is just infuriating. 

I used to date someone that was like that, and when I asked him to teach me it rather than withhold the information because I wouldn't understand it, he continued to withhold the information.

Let's just say, he is no longer in my life.

Educated people work hard to be where they are in life, and to be belittled is so rude.  I have worked for several years to be a person who wants to know what is going on and how can I remedy the situation in either the best fashion or the best fashion for my budget. 

I don't speak down to people because I have been taught it is super rude.  I teach the situation instead.  I work day in and day out for a group of people who are tired of the situation they are in and they just want to be through with the process they have been put through.  The last thing they want is someone to treat them like a child.  I tell them that when they get to me, that it will be easiest part of the process, it's just a waiting game.  They get a full set of instructions, with a check list and where to send their finished documents.  They are in control of their situation and they don't get frustrated at me because either I withhold information or don't explain things properly.  I give them the information they need.

Be conscious about what you are doing and how you are speaking to someone.  Give them the information they need to make sure that they don't get frustrated with you.  Be courteous and on the ball about what you do.  Don't make them feel like they have to beat it out of you to get the right answer or be insulted because you can't explain it properly. 

Guys: The Challenge

Guys: I challenge you to dating with integrity.

No, this does not refer to the book "Dating with integrity," however, runs along those lines.  Most women date for the "Happily Ever After."  What are you in the dating game for?

Be honest with yourself- if you are just in it to get the booty call, then do that.  But just do that, don't try and string a nice girl along for the joy ride and dump scenario.  It gets really old after a while, and thus makes the good girls really annoyed.

But if you are sincerely trying to date to find "The One," then date with that intention, and don't seal the deal or do anything that moves you into another level if that's not your intention with her.

In the Bible it says to "Run the race that is set before us."  Men, think of the woman of your dreams as your race.  She is your finish line.  You start that race with the intention to marry her.  You don't start that race and then not finish it.

The Bible also says to "Let your yes be yes and your no be no."  What that means is to be firm in your decision to date with intention and integrity.  If you have no intention on pursuing anything further, then you need to close that door.  Don't linger, don't continue texting, don't continue to put yourself in a position where you are making it look like you have a continued interest in her.

The guy that continues to linger- the guy who wants to be around, and make his presence known, but with no commitment, is a huge douche.  I dated one, three times.  Shame on me the first two times.  He spent 3 months on the phone with me, morning and night, Skyping, etc.  He was also out of state, and I had just gone through back surgery, so the recovery period for me was what was taking so long for the first date.  Anyways, we met, we had a great time together, etc.  And we had planned on a second visit, which never happened.  Then he slowed his calling, and then the calls stopped- they went to voicemail when I tried to find out what was going on.  We decided to remain friends, and did keep in touch over the years. 

Then I finished a really hard relationship, and he showed up about five (5) weeks later, and reclaimed my attention.  He led me to believe that "in a year" we would begin a future.  We went away for a weekend, and then a loss of a family member consumed his time.  Then he never came back.  I dated a few more people, and then told him that I was interested in more, and began to act that way.  He then shut that down permanently, at his choice.  He said he was firm about only wanting to remain friends.  Remember- His Choice!  I told him that based on his choice, I was going to close that door permanently.  I was no longer going to linger on that hope that he was going to come back and be the man I wanted him to be.  He had really hoped that I wouldn't burn the bridge, and to give him credit that he was upfront with me when he came back after my hard relationship, that he only wanted to continue a friendship.  Yeah, how he wanted to be friends was how I perceived a relationship.  So, with that, I told him that no credit was given, that I felt misled, and that I was permanently done with this situation.  I told him he was not allowed to contact me via email, text, phone or Facebook ever again.  I even blocked him from my Facebook page, along with the lovely friend that introduced us- I felt that her involvement and having had two strikes with people I had met from her was telling that I probably shouldn't be involved with her either.

Now, I have my new man, who took that challenge.  He is actively running the race to make me his finish line.  He's been upfront with me since Day One of his intentions, and he continues to show me that he intends to make me his finish line in the Great Race of Dating with Intention.

The discussions I've had with most couples that make it the distance in their marriage, are the ones where the man ran the race with intension.  A guy I knew proposed to his wife with a diary of their dates, with her engagement ring tied to a few pages in the back.  My parents were together since they were 14, and my mom was treated in such a decadent way, that she wanted no one else.  My grandfather, my dad's dad, wrote my grandmother love letters while he was away at war.  My cousin proposed to his wife, while they were in high school- the cheerleader and the football player- he proposed on a hill above the field on a Friday night that he was to play.  My cousin's mom eloped and was married for over 50 years. 

But these men ran with intentions on a finish line to have the woman they eagerly wanted at their side, at their side for the rest of their lives.  I don't know of a single story in that list that ended in divorce. 

Your love story doesn't have to be the grand soiree or the greatest dance ever, but it does have to be intentional, and that's what makes it special. 

Dating with integrity is merely dating with intention to make the one you want for now and forever your finish line.

I challenge you, men, to that race.