If you are really interested, you would be in constant communication

This is your best weapon in the battle for the heart, if you are unable to be together.  Use it!

As Patti Stanger said, "You should be on his mind all the time."  "You should be on his calendar on the important nights of the week: Friday and Saturday."

Guys: If you actually like someone, don't play it cool.  Don't be their friend, don't just tip toe around them.  Do something about it.  If you really find someone interesting, you will make a point to be in their lives.

A friend of mine recently told me that a guy that she was interested in waited 10 days to call her while on a business trip.  Um, not a good footing there.  It gives us (women) time to rethink you.  If you don't want to be an afterthought, don't be.  Make a point to share some of your day with her, each day.

Don't be a pest, and respect her work time, but make sure you make a concerted effort to let her know you are on her mind, in a non creepy fashion.

Don't linger too long, you will be kicked to the curb if you wait too long.

If you don't want to be found out, don't do it: living a life of integrity and honesty

This is my big pet peeve with people.  If you don't want to be found out, don't do it.  If I find out, I will tell on you.

Now, is it appropriate? Yes, when it hurts another human being.  If you are doing something that could potentially damage someone else or your child, you are darn straight I'm going to call you out on it.  Even if its to your partner, I sure as hell will tell on you if you are doing something unacceptable.

This goes back to my "Three Strikes and You're Out" policy, along with my "One Strike" list.  If you are cheating on your partner, or doing something that you wouldn't want them to find out about, then you shouldn't be doing it at all.  If you do anything to compromise her or your child, I will bring it to someone's attention.  It definitely won't be you, it will be the woman who is questioning your fidelity.

Recent events in which I spoke out and told the woman my solution was to cash in whatever she had from him, take the baby and sue him for child support, resulted in the offender going back to the source and trying to find out why I would say anything of that sort.  Gee dude, if I have to say something, I'm either concerned for the woman in the middle, the child you are the sperm donor for, or I'm concerned that she's going to the man I'm about to marry about very intimate details of her own relationship with you and telling her suspicions about what a piece of shit you are.

I don't tolerate much, and when I find out someone I've been seeing is trying to find something else, he's usually on the curb before anything happens.  Unfortunately, I only had one instance where that wasn't the case and he hid it well for quite some time.  He didn't get away with his awful treatment of me for long though.  I let him pay for a move of mine, and then he was given his walking papers about three weeks later.  And I kept the TV.

But if I hear that you are stepping outside of your own relationship, and she's concerned and asking other people, you are darn going to hear what I have to say.  If you put my family in the middle of it (in this case they both put my fiancé in the middle) then yes, I will speak up and say something.  I think cheating is rotten, and the people that do it should have their cheating bits ripped from them.  I don't find it respectful and I believe it teaches children unacceptable behavior and that they should put up with from their own partners.  I sincerely respect the reason people stay, but don't do it because of the person who cheated on you.  They don't deserve it.  If you come back to the relationship, you need to come back into it with standards you set for both of you in order to not have that happen again.

I can say that I nearly saw that happen with a family close to me, and I'm glad someone spoke up and said it was inappropriate before it went any further.  The recent events, we'll see.

People need to speak up a lot more about unacceptable behavior.  With all the diseases and consequences that ruining your relationship comes with, you should maintain integrity in your relationship or suffer the consequences thereof. 

Dating: Things you don't do to meet a potential date...

Society has a set of "acceptable" parameters for meeting people.  Here's the list on where not to meet someone, or rather the definition of "creepy pick-ups:"

1) If you meet them at their job, don't stalk them.  They are there for a living, not to make a love connection.  Though they are always there, don't dominate their time trying to talk them up.  If they are a sever, you'll make your dinner really awkward, waste their time trying to make money, possibly get them fired, and if they are not interested and you keep coming back, you make their work environment very awkward for them.  DON'T DO IT.

*If you like them, leave them your number.  That's all that acceptable, period.

2) If they work in an awkwardly sexual job, don't go to their job.  I don't care if they invited you, that's CREEPY.  If they are a massage therapist, a stripper, work at Victoria's Secret, etc., don't visit them at their job.  Massage therapists are not hookers, and not looking to get labeled a hooker, don't put them in an awkward situation, they will call the cops.  Don't be "THAT GUY" that met his wife in a sexual environment.  If you want any respect or your future partner to have respect, don't visit her place of work.  Period.

3) Hanging around the Grocery Store.  This one gets to be a pain.  If you are just hanging around a grocery store, trying to talk up people, it's seen as you don't have enough to do in your life, and creepy.  Women go to the grocery store to collect food for their household, not to pick up some guy.  If you think someone is cute at the grocery store, write your number down on a piece of paper and ask for a moment of her time during her shopping trip.  Say "Pardon me, I just happen to notice how pretty you are, and would like to get to know you better when you aren't busy."  Being considerate of her time is huge.  Enough people try to waste a woman's time.  Have enough respect for her NOT to absorb her household chores time.

If you want to meet people, buy them a drink at a bar, go to a book store, go to your favorite places or try online.  But the listed places are especially off limits.  Take note.

To be at peace with yourself before you date.... it makes a difference....

This word is not the hippy connotation.  It is in fact the word that was preached throughout the Bible.  Let the Spirit bring you peace.  But also within that context, to know yourself is also to find peace.

If you can live with yourself, you can find peace.  If you are constantly in turmoil over who you are, what you do, who you are, what you identify, then you need to seek what you do want to be.  Find peace in your life with your job, your life, your hobbies, your friends, your energy, etc. 

I don't know about you, but I would rather have someone who is comfortable with who they are rather than someone who wants to get married to find their identity in who they can become.  Though usually it's typical that men and women gain social standing upon saying "I do."  You have to know who you are when you walk down that aisle rather than merely throwing yourself into a relationship merely to satisfy society.

I got to a point, before I met my fiancé, that I was comfortable if I never met "The One."  I could be the exciting spinster.  And it was a huge transition to even think of myself as "engaged."  Panic attack registered.  I just got to a point where I started planning my life as though it was just going to be me in this world, and that I was going to lead my life. 

And that's when it hit.  I met "him."

I can't say the results are the same for everyone, because everyone's love story is different.  But if you are still single, just get comfortable with yourself and brace yourself for the long haul, and enjoy life.  It'll happen when it's supposed to happen, but don't sacrifice your current social life for the lack of a date.  Go out and do something.

Etiquette and proprieties: Just a few simple things that should be observed

I put this in bold, to note it's great importance on society, social settings, entry into society and how to maneuver life.  I cannot emphasize it's importance enough, as it is becoming a defining note right now in my life and how I adjust to things.

Lets talk about proprieties for a second: Propriety is defined as "Socially and Morally acceptable behavior, correct or appropriate behavior."  Also what came up in the search is "Dignity."  Have a little dignity for yourself and respect for others.

Propriety was also known "the look of the thing."  How does it look that a married or attached woman is talking, interacting, conducting herself to a male that is not her partner?  I grew up in a church that if the couple was not married, or it was a random man and woman, that if that wasn't your wife essentially- you did not get into a car, an elevator, be seen in public, etc. with that person.  You could get the label of "philanderer" and get reported. (I grew up in a large church, lots of eyes).  It also refers to a young lady talking to a single man, when that woman is known to have an engagement ring.  Whether it's a family relation or not, she should actually go to a trusted woman in her life.  It's considered inappropriate to be going to a man and telling him her business, it may look like she's fishing.  (such an episode recently occurred, and I'm surprised at who she reached out to, and I'm surprised as to why.  Now I'm just trying to figure out the next step.).

Etiquette: Seriously, if you want to be considered "well mannered," check yourself against an etiquette book.  I highly recommend it.  It goes beyond court etiquette, it's a method of attempting to make everyone in the room comfortable.  Ill mannered people tend to make situations interesting to address later, and can cause some major miscommunications.

Recently, someone I barely know has decided that she needs "to spend more time in Charlotte" and thus assumed an invitation to my residence and soon to be, my marital residence.  I don't care who you are, you wait for an invitation.  If one doesn't come, don't push it.  There is a reason there is no invitation coming forward.  If you wish to be invited, conduct yourself properly in all fashions including how you talk to my fiancé, and politely inquire if you can spend time with me at my home rather than assume you are welcome there anytime.  I am always careful about whom I let into my house and home, my kitchen and my life.  I've had enough of people walking into my life assuming things and then trying to get things out of me in response to their assumptions.  

If I find that I wish to extend an invitation, I will do so.  I did to my fiancé's twin brother and his wife, but didn't find a need to extend anything any further than that.

My closest friends and family are the only ones that have been admitted to my home, primarily because I've only been out on my own for approximately 18 months, the apartments are small, and it's not generally a place that I can host people other than a small wine and dine party.

Maneuvering family and friends are always an interesting task, but I expect a certain level of respect and boundaries.  I don't want to be gossiped about, and I expect the same.  I wouldn't drop in on you, so please don't drop in on me.  I wouldn't dish stories about my child (I don't have kids, but I wouldn't do it regardless), please don't do the same.  If I text, it's because my hearing on the phone isn't all that great, and I'm trying to make a point before the situation gets blown up and I have a heart attack.  If I make time for you, and you agree to the time, I expect fair notice for cancelling or rescheduling.  If you cancel because you accepted something you could have easily turned down, I will be slightly offended and will reconsider making any further arrangements with you.  I expect fair notice if I'm driving all the way to see you, whether it is across town, or an hour or more away, if the plans get cancelled.  Do not call me multiple times in a day insisting on something.  I will get around to it on my priority list.

If it interferes with my sanity, my family or my work, it will either be completely cut off or will receive rules the next time I encounter it.  Whether its a bear or anything else.

Thankful for supportive family.

Another thing that is part of who I am, and what is part of making me who I am today is a supportive family.  My family has insisted that I reach for my goals and settle for nothing.  I have enjoyed the support of a very forward thinking grandmother who has always wanted me to be independent and to enjoy life before family and the ritual of the life cycle caught up with me.  I can honestly say that I achieved that on so many levels.

My family insisted on a college education, so I got three rounds. LOL....

My family taught me about my background, which has pushed me to become a person I know.  I know that my background has historical value, ethnic value (my heritage of the Irish, Scottish, English, and German Roots), language value and geographical value.  I have traveled to the lands of my "people" and have learned a lot about how may heritage has functioned in the world.  I also have discovered my fiancé's historical value, that he didn't know.  He has a bit of appreciation for his background now, and we are beginning to find the footprints of his forbearers.

My family encouraged me to study politics, languages, manners, history, art, and other things that have shaped my mind.  But they never knew how much they shaped who I am.  I am thrilled that my parents instilled in me values, manners, "carrier" (Carrie-air= disposition), and a sense of self.  I wouldn't be who I am without knowing that they expected more out of me than a traditional path of getting married, making babies. 

They also instilled in me to stay organized.  My grandmother could find everything, a place for everything and everything in its place.  My dad, similar, and my mom was a huge reader of organization books.  So, with that comes a very organized individual who can work her life the way she wants, and control the life she wants.

In the preparation for a wedding, my mother found out the night we told her, that I had already picked a venue, a cake design, a dress, a tux, cufflinks, booked engagement photos, and our wedding bands.  All she had to do was ask what the budget was.  I think she was relieved that I was so organized, as to be able to relieve her of having to keep that all together along with taking care of a sick family member and getting another family up and running again, along with building a therapy practice that has just blown her out of the water with referrals.

I am pleased that my parents have allowed me to become who I want without fear of being taken care of, without fear of loss of housing or food, and without manipulation of any situation in order to render the path they wanted.  I am thankful that they allowed me to "grown in the way a child should grow" and be able to raise up and thank them for such a wonderful gift, of myself.

I see so many other people who lack that definition and I wonder how they could live without out it, and I remember it has to come from their environment, and their support. 

So, thank you Mom and Dad. 

Cart before horse: If you got it backwards, don't rub it in.

I'm not an advocate for children out of wedlock or using them as pawns to catch a man.  If you want to be in a relationship, don't use a child to keep him.  He should want to be with you because he wants to.  If you have a child to rope him in, he's caught you.  You've given him everything he wants, and none of the responsibility.  At the end of the day, you end up as the laughing stock rather than you running the household. 

A child is an innocent pawn if used to catch a man.  If you have a child and then end up either ending the relationship, put your child in the middle of an abusive or disrespectful relationship, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

If you want to play the field, at least let chemistry not put you in that position (better living through chemistry, as my family has joked).  Otherwise, you have just put an innocent child in a position that they didn't earn or ask for.  You are ultimately the reason that child has the life they experience because of the choices you made.  

The flip side to it: If you did it, and you are now regretting the situation you find yourself in, don't rub it in other people's faces.  I had a friend who tried to justify every mistake she ever made, and then after she had been with a ton of men, had a baby outside of wedlock, she bragged that her husband-to-be had been with a "lady of the night" as she put it (a hooker for others).  I don't understand why she felt the need to make sure that I knew her husband was lower on the scale of respectability than she was, but she felt that she needed to make that point.  And then tell me later that they then broke their agreement not to sleep together until the wedding.

I don't understand why people who make poor decisions try to make it look okay to everyone else.  Babies are one thing, a single mom and a baby are another.  Babies within a marriage are a blessing, a baby to a woman who isn't married is a trap.  A woman who has a child hoping to catch a man has found herself in a catch .22, if he doesn't marry her then she has become a slave to that child and to making the best of the situation.  

For those of us who have blatantly chosen to not have children before we get married, it's really insulting to us that people validate a poor choice.  I get it that single moms need support too, but not in the face of those who have made something of ourselves and have followed the path that we have been asked to follow until we meet the right person.

I get it that children are a celebration, but when there is outright bias over a child, in the midst of a family of adults, and that child was created out of an incorrect situation, it becomes salt in a wound-the wound of having made the right choice and being socially flogged for it.  Parents all over the world hope that their children don't end up going down the wrong path and make poor choices, but yet they then celebrate those wrong choices by flagrantly preferring consequences out of poor choices.  Making a double standard for those of us who have made better choices.

I wish there was a different way that people treated that situation.  Not necessarily to shun, but to be more sensitive to the situation and be respectful of those who have made the best choice.  

I myself have worked so very hard to become a woman who has worked hard throughout her life, earning 4 degrees, the startings of a master's, alumni of simulations of global politics, can speak at least 4 or 5 things in at least 4 languages, traveled the world, traveled the US coast to coast and north to south, have published recipes of my own development rather than someone else's cookbook, live on my own, paying my bills, maintaining my car, have a lucrative job, and the comment I get when announcing my wedding was "You're not pregnant, are you?"  I simply responded that I didn't play that game.