Dating, with children.....

I can honestly say that dating someone with little people (their own, or extended family) is tough because of the emotional connection you build with the child while you are seeing that person.  I dated someone for 18 months, who had nieces that were regularly around.  When I walked away from the relationship, my heart ached for the children because Auntie was no longer there.  My nephew was rather resilient when the break up occurred.  He never mentioned my ex-boyfriend again. 

Children are little entities all to themselves, enter their world and it could affect them for life, or leave a permanent void.  I always hope that when I do meet children, through friends, dating, etc, that I may impact them for the good and not the bad.  

Dating and being introduced to children of your partner is especially something not to take lightly.  You may need a good warm bed buddy, but that child comes first and foremost, no matter what.  That child deserves to know that their parent will place people in their little lives for a purpose, not a hit and run.  That child deserves to know that no matter how much time their parent spends with their new partner, that they always get time with their parent too.  A child should never feel the need to compete with the new partner.  Their world comes first, including their little schedules, school and whatever custody arrangement you have with their other parent.  Be a parent first, not a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

I was on a date earlier this year, and my date's phone rang, and rang, and rang, and rang.  I said "Your phone keeps ringing, is it something important?"  He said, "It's my daughter."  I stopped cold.  I said "Answer your phone if it's your daughter!"  Now mind you, she was 18 or 19, I don't remember, but from what I remember of those years, that's when my relationship with my dad really began to take shape.  It stunned me that he wouldn't answer the phone and it was his daughter.  His ex, maybe, but his daughter? 

I only saw him a few more times after that, but I just couldn't get it out of my mind that our date was more important than his daughter.  She was finishing her first year of college and she wanted to talk to her dad. 

Another part of introducing kids to dating partners is establishing respect between the parent, the partner and the child.  Would you want your child back-talking to your partner? or vice versa?  Though with some adjustment comes some sort of angst, there needs to be a line of respect drawn in the sand for all involved.  If you are in a new relationship, is it appropriate for your child to see you in bed with another woman other than mommy?  How many women have they seen you in bed with? Does Mom have a lot of guys over?  A parent must remain the master of his home by conducting themselves in a manner that won't put their house into a topsy turvy manner.  Not to mention, children also have wagging tongues.  Whatever you do gets reported to the other parent.  Which may cause the other parent to talk about the new partner in an unflattering light.  Be careful about the little eyes and ears, for they see all and repeat all.