Digital dating and Long Distance: Get honest with yourself about how far you are willing to go for your love interest.

Long Distance is a double edged sword to those who long to be in a relationship: it can either enhance or obliterate what you are trying to accomplish.

A recent email prompts this posting.  The gentleman writes from the West Coast, while I'm on the East Coast (thus the picture).  

I have come to desire a close mileage relationship, due to a desire to have my partner close by for a well-needed snuggle on a bad day, a random junk food run in the middle of the night, or call from work and head straight to dinner.  I used to never define myself as spontaneous, but thus, that has become my fun life.

So, as this gentleman and I are emailing on a dating website I came right out and told him that I'm not looking to move.  He continued to send me questions, and describing himself, but he did not answer my question as to whether he could do the long distance.  Not to mention, he also has a child, which he has not discussed how he would address that matter (the long distance, plus having a kid in tow).

Long distance to me is a killer.  Just getting in my car for more than an hour, I seriously have to think that out.  Not because I'm getting older, it's just that I'm not interested in spending a lot of gas and time on something that may not last or get abusive in any way.  My last long-term relationship, I was doing the majority of the driving, 30 minutes or more, and then would spend time at the residence he shared with his sister, which was not delightful to enjoy at all.  Spontaneity had to be planned more than 90 minutes out and occasionally we missed each other because neither of us wanted to drive.  Weekends were spent at his house so that we weren't doing a lot of driving back and forth.  It just got very wearing, specifically on me because he got to a point where he wanted to dictate my time and whether our time together was spent with me on the road or him.  It generally was me because he was just a pain. 

The point- be honest with yourself about how you would want a relationship to form.  I simply don't want to be on a flight every other weekend, I simply don't want it, and I can't afford it.  I want someone whose closer so that I can enjoy the little moments rather than the quantity time that is shoved into one trip. 

So, in the end, for those that have to know what happened.  Since the gentleman didn't offer to come this way, he didn't address the situation with his daughter, and all he wanted to talk about was surface stuff, I bit him adieu, in order to move forward on finding what works for me.  I get tired of focusing on things that don't work for me.  

Be honest with yourself at the end of the day.  Long distance may be tantalizing, fantasy, and a way to run from a place that you may not like.  But is it going to cost you money to travel, is it something you really want to spend time on?

~M