In or out: How long is too long? how much drama is too much?

How do you know when it's too much to put up with? What is your threshold?

How do you know when you've had enough, or when the relationship is spouting red flags too early?

My roommate and I were having such a discussion tonight when I came home.  The guy I had been hoping would step up has not, and is beginning to sound snarky, and they haven't had their first date yet.  I told her I believe I would have pulled the plug right then and there.  They haven't even had their first date yet, and he's already sounding snarky-whether it was involving her or not.  

When to pull the plug?  In my honest opinion, pulling the plug can either be simple or complicated, it just depends on how much you put up with.  In my case, I have a low threshold for nonsense, rude behavior and bumpy starts.  

If it takes too long to get a date:  If you are a girl and the guy has strung you along for more than 10 days and hasn't scheduled a date with you, pitch him.

If you are uncomfortable on the first date:  Your mind is telling you something, pay attention.  If he makes you feel uncomfortable either by getting drunk (or near it), making comments that make you feel uncomfortable, treating you in such an unfavorable fashion, treating the staff in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, etc.  Pitch him.

If you experience an unfortunate phone call:  This one is priceless.  Get a phone call in before you schedule your first date.  A guy, years ago, was trying to negotiate a place to meet up for the first time, via text.  Then he called me for the first time.  Then he answered his land line, and it was a close friend.  I heard him say the most inappropriate, racist, and crass, statements that I blushed really bad to think I was about to go out on a first date with this guy (the guy I was on the phone with was white, the friend was black, I was mortified at their conversation).  I texted him the next day to let him know that after a reasonable time to ponder our phone call, I didn't think that we melded well, and I wished him good luck with himself. 

*If what comes out of their mouth makes you uncomfortable, pitch him.

If they are constantly bringing up the issue that they are broke or having money problems:  Another priceless note.  Money is a huge issue in a relationship, and when one is unbalanced with their spending, credit, loans, etc, it can cause a lot of friction.  A LOT.  There is no reason to get involved in a relationship if you cannot afford to do so.  Always think twice if they bring up money issues too early.

Snarky comments at you or about a topic you find of particular interest:  If the person you are talking to begins to answer you in snarky ways, or respond in a way that you cannot respond to other than a negative perspective, then you need to think about how early on in the relationship it is, and how much of it you are willing to go forward to take.  I missed this one early on with my ex, my really hard relationship, and I learned a very hard lesson trying to resurface from all that.  I didn't care for the "pet name" he called me ("Gordis"= Spanish for "fat woman" or Gordita "fat little girl")- he shrugged it off as something his parents called each other.  I didn't care that he didn't respect my financial budgets- he tried to borrow money from me, so I cut him off at $100.  I didn't care what bed he bought "for us" and I made that abundantly known that it was very bad for my back and too warm.  And also if you feel good about yourself and they don't like it, RUN!  You have the right to be recognized for the person you are and loved that way.

Getting too personal too quickly: If they want to know your schedule, your Facebook account, where you work, anything stalkable, you need to tell them to either bad the hell off, or that the information is none of their business until much later.  I have clients and co-workers on my page on Facebook, I don't dare add someone I barely know on that page.  I did have to tell my new guy that he was not to have quick access to my life as it would or could cost me my job or ruin my professional reputation.  I also had to check his Facebook page for approval prior to allowing him on my page.  You can never be too careful.

If you have a fight on your first date, that's definitely a huge red flag.  A man shouldn't provoke a woman and vice versa.  A man should also have enough self control not to fight period.  A wise woman never starts anything.  The book of Proverbs in the Bible explains "contentiousness." 

I'm sure there are more things to consider when you are deciding to press on or cut yourself loose, but these are just the basics.  I hope this can spare some sanity in the journey of singleness.