Excuses, Excuses, Excuses.... (And my "Three Strikes" Rule)

This is a huge issue in dating.  This is one you have to decide whether the B.S. is worth keeping them or throwing them back. 

There are people throughout your life who are going to give you excuses why things weren't done, why they couldn't make it, why they ditched you for something, or why they left you in the lurch.  Your dating partner shouldn't be one of them.

Being served B.S. is unfortunately a norm, and people have just simply accepted it.  The guy is really sweet, he considers my thoughts, she's pretty, she's just in a temporary slump and needs a bit of help, etc. 

I had one guy say that he had to meet a potential roommate, but then he would be right over.  I was dumb enough to wait 2 hours.  He said I'll see you at Starbucks, and this was at 6pm.  6pm is kind of my cut off for a coffee shop.  He finally said he was on his way, and it was nearing 8pm.  I texted him that I was beyond coffee at that point, to meet me at the bar of the Mexican restaurant for beer and chips and salsa.  I can't remember if he paid for the beers or not, I just know that I waited 2 hours to meet a guy that turned out to be the biggest flake on the planet. 

Same guy that told me other things that were unacceptable. 

I kind of run on a "three (3) strikes and your out" rule.  The first time you disappoint, that's strike one, and so on.  The first time you lie to me, the game is totally over!  First time he makes you pay for a date, yes, strike one or wherever you are.  You have make your own game of how you run the B.S., but it shouldn't be an ongoing thing.

I know someone who currently is on her 5th or 6 week of talking to a guy, and she still hasn't met him yet.  I told her "Uh, he hit my three strikes a while ago..."  and she's still hoping for a happy ending.  I think there has to be some limit as to how much you put up with.  You just simply can't be naïve in this game.  Other people in this pool are certainly more calculating. 

Money is particularly important to pay attention to.  You also have to know how much of that B.S. you are willing to put up with.  If you are the girl in the relationship, if you are paying for more than a third of your relationship, or even 25%, then you are putting too much investment into your relationship.

On a whole, borrowing money from each other shouldn't come until you are firmly in a relationship, and the money dance has begun.  While you are in the "dating light" category, the pre-engagement phase, you should definitely not be borrowing money or loaning money.  I put a limit on how much I was willing to loan or give to my partner in my last big relationship, and I stuck to it.  Though I paid more in investment for the relationship- dumb me- I wasn't willing to loan him outright cash, pay for a broken phone, pay for the nieces' trip to Chuck E. Cheese, etc.  I majorly drew a line at "loaning" him money to replace his phone, which happened to be his 4th broken phone while we were dating.  That should have had money set aside if you go through phones that fast. 

Examples of Three Strikes:

1) made me pay for the first date, 2) embarrassed me in public, 3) was late for something important

1) Late to the first date, 2) made me feel uncomfortable on our date, 3) didn't wash your hands

1) Complaining about anything in general, 2) buy the dumb version of a great product (wrong Harley Davidson- the Honda Goldwing lookalike rather than the "hog"), 3) talk about how much you paid off your ex wife for your divorce settlement

1) Not answer a phone call from your kid, no matter how old they are, 2) didn't call me to cancel a date, 3) a scheduled late night visit, and then didn't show up and didn't call.

Things that don't get a "Three Strikes" rule:

Cheating (1 and done)

Lying (1 and done)

Making me look bad (1 and done)

Yelling at me (1 and done)

Not taking responsibility for something big (1 and done)- like a kid, visitation, phone calls, etc.

Bitter Divorce Stories (1 and done) I had one first date that he lied to me and they were bitter divorce stories, oh yeah, definitely done!!!!  How much you paid off your ex wife to go away, oh yeah, done! 

I can understand if there was some negativity between the splitting pair, just not dripping with disdain to the point where that is your disposition.  My guy now is a divorcee, and he doesn't drip with disdain, he is validly hurt and is working to rectify his situation.