Kissing on the First Date: Do or Don't?

Kisses are supposed to be romantic. 

When did they become resume fodder for the first date?

I don't generally kiss on the first date.  "Why?" you may ask.  My parents always ask.  ALWAYS.  It beats the blushing I have to go through when I do have to admit it. I've only had to do that once so far.

The other part to that is that it beats having to kiss a lot of toads too.  Those guys who are presumptive enough to figure that all their hopes and dreams are rolled into the most nervous event of your life: the first date.  There are plenty of guys in my life who have not earned a kiss, I am proud to say.  They didn't give me a chance to get to know them, nor did they earn my personal space.  They assumed too much, too fast, and bolted.  Their loss.

If I'm not going to get a second date, why bother kissing someone I'm never going to see again? Right?

Why can't it be that moment when the two of you have really fallen for one another, and want to see if you can both enjoy that moment? 

Why does it have to be SOOOOOOO rushed?

From what I gather, men have put all their hopes and dreams, and reality, into this one little kiss.  I get the whole romantic angle of it, but what about finding out who this girl is, getting a chance to figure out if she's actually who she says she is, her character, her likes, her hopes and dreams.  Is that so wrong to ask?  I have a better romantic connection to a guy if he has spent time with me, figured out who I am, and if I can stand to get near him. (yes, you have to earn to be in my space.)

And besides, how many people would say that any thing, the first time, was awesome and told you all about what you would have in the future from that one little event?  Think about it.

I've read in a few articles to kiss on the first date.  One article almost made it sound mandatory, like "If you don't kiss on the first date, you won't get a second date."  I don't care, saves me some spit and sharing my germs.  Perfect.  Another article I read said that the third date was the "Overnighter Date."  Yeah, thanks, I'll pass on that too.  If I was with every guy I got to a third date with, that would be a few more than the ones I've kissed, but still, I prefer to maintain my dignity rather than show the guy what I can do.  Better save that for a more long-term relationship than "3rd times the charm," right?

This day and age, things are required too quickly.  I remember a guy telling me all the things he expected within a few days of our first meeting and I told him that he needs to find someone else, preferably a girl that gets paid for that (that's about as descriptive as I'm gonna get on that one, I promise).  I don't go for the guy's timeline.  If they want to push it, they can push themselves right back through my front door.  I'm not being pushed into making snap decisions, stupid mistakes, and having to clean up those mistakes later. 

I put out on one of my dating profiles that I don't kiss on the first date, and date #3 is not the "overnighter date" and that I would let you know when I was ready.  Not ONE email.  I got a lot of repeat visits from guys on my profile, but not one email from a guy.  So, I guess some integrity in the bedroom is severely undesirable. 

Women, and girls that are dating, take back your dignity and demand a bit of respect.  Any guy that gives you a timeline, an ultimatum or a threat on anything you find "not a good idea," show him the door.  I would rather lecture him on how to behave himself than to have to tell him later "Um, yeah, so about that, yeah I got pregnant."  Take back your life, your dreams and your dignity.  You are worth the time you put into yourself.  It shouldn't matter if you are 36 and still single (my boat right now), at least you did it holding your head up high. 

My favorite "give him the boot" line was "I do not hold mistress hours."  Because, dude, I truly don't.  I'm either worth taking out to dinner and being treated properly, or your an idiot.  Pick one.



A note on hygiene:  For some reason one of my guy friends doesn't believe me when I say hygiene is important.  It really is, and I'm not lying.  And the following is not a description of anyone, period, merely a description of what I've seen or smelled thus far that I cannot get near:  bad breath, matted hair from lack of a shower, lack of a shower (seriously, daily dudes), overuse of cologne (I have allergies, and if you need that much cologne, you don't belong in my world), bad sweating issues, dirty hands, dirty nails, nasty toes (get a pedicure, seriously), boogers, wiping your nose, picking your nose, scratching your hair, or anything else for that matter.  And no offense to the dudes with self expressionistic dreads, those are also on my hit list.  I do not find them remotely attractive, on white, black, blue or green men, period.  It looks like you haven't bathed in a year, have been on a deserted island, and need some serious hygiene care.  Don't even tell me you had a shower in the last 24 hours, I'm not gonna care.

If a girl is backing up from you while you are trying to get a kiss, get a clue.  She's backing up because she is telling you there isn't anyway on this green earth she is gonna get that close to you or your lips.  You have to earn your way into her space.  Do your best to do that.  Period.  End of statement.