Money and Love: Gotta figure out when they mix

If a man asks what your credit score is or what your financial situation is on your first date, RUN!

As a woman who has a career and a stable income, money is a concern of mine: 1) keeping my regular life running 2) not getting into financial situations that would cause loss of such. 

Folks, remember this: Money is just as personal as your social security number, don't discuss it, don't bring it up, and don't force it on someone else.  Your first few dates should be fun, and non-money conscious.  You shouldn't be stressed out with finances on your first few dates.

If someone is spouting how much they make, how much they spend, what they spend it on, and financial settlements to get rid of former spouses, run!!!!  I was on a date with a guy over a year ago, and that was all he could talk about.  I don't mind having some money, but there are classy people with money and trashy people with money, he just happen to be the latter.  Trashy people with money brag about what they make, what they spend their money on and other things.  Also, you should be educated enough to guess whether they are spending their money wisely or not too.  This guy bought a Harley, but he bought one of those traveler types that looks like a Honda, not the classy Harley that most people buy.  What a schmuck.

The flip side of this is for guys. Be careful what kind of woman you let into your life.  I've heard stories for years of women who just want to drain you of your money and then leave you.  I'm currently experiencing a friend who is cleaning up after such an event.  Only it came with a few extra factors: He married her, and she had children.  She got them in such a financial fix that he didn't authorize that when he tried to fight her for it, she threatened to charge him with child abuse or sexual abuse of a minor, etc. 

Another woman I heard of, she saw the guy's family home and automatically assumed that the family had money.  She was in for a treat.  She got pregnant, and won a child support award of a monthly stipend.  But in the process of attempting to establish family contact, she tried to blackmail the guy's family for $300 or so per visit with the child.  Since the family found out there were no grandparents rights in that state, the grandmother got smart and said "We'll see him when he turns 18."

I see more and more women attempting to lure men into pregnancies to get them to marry them, and then the guys end up in situations that they can't dig themselves out of, or women who are brought so low because their partner expected to drain them of all the cash, leaving them with nothing.

Don't be one of these victims, protect yourself against this money issue. 

I will admit, I am one of those women who got into a financial fix, twice.  My first boyfriend in college, I blew through my summer savings in 2 months with gas, meals and spending time with his family.  I had no money for the follow college semester, so I had to go back to work, and that was the end of our relationship, I was simply out of money.  The second situation, and my last long-term relationship, was also that way.  He thought I made a lot of money, and so he would take us out for $90 dinners, and then we would go out to Dean and Deluca or Amelie's and he would say "Your turn, you pick this one up." Not asking, not even offering to pick up the tab as he should, he just told me to pay it.  About three weeks into this issue, I said that we needed to cut our expenses, I was tired of spending money that I didn't plan on because he was spending beyond his means. 

about a year after we started dating, he broke his phone and begged me to fund a replacement.  I flatly said "No. That is not my responsibility."  He was frustrated, but once he got a new phone, he was fine.  He said it hurt his business not to have a phone, but he should have thought about that while he was spending hundreds of dollars on meals.  The replacement phone was only $80.

I then moved out, at his wish, and moved into my own apartment.  He started in on his controlling methods, and I just wasn't having any of it.  He was trying to tell me that if he had spent money on something that he would have beat me if I threw it out (it being a bamboo cutting board).  I told him for the interest of my cooking and my personal preference not to have splinters in my food, that I didn't care what he thought and that I was going to throw it away regardless.  I wasn't going to compromise my cooking for a bamboo splinter.  He wasn't happy.

I noticed something was up when he started putting off scheduling and booking a vacation I had been talking about for at least 6 months.  I told him, we need to get the hotel room if we're going, and that was three times between March and June.  He continued to put me off, and when it was time for the trip, he never said anything about it.  I quietly left without telling him, leaving him to find out that I had left for the beach on Facebook.  Best come back I could have ever enjoyed.  He texted me that night and said "Did you leave for the beach?"  I texted back "I'm already at the beach, and on a ghost tour.  I will talk to you later."  It took me two days before contacting him again, and then none of it was by phone, text only.  The last text I remember sending him was a notice to come get his things from my mother's.  That's when I dumped him and he didn't even know what hit him. (best feeling in the world).

You have to be savvy about your money.  If you allow someone else to spend it, it will simply be gone before you know it.  Don't authorize anything that you don't want, or that gives them complete control to damage your credit.  Be very careful about anyone asking you to open a credit card, use your debit card, open an account, use your 401K, or even want to know what you make, right off the bat.

Dave Ramsey is one of the best financial advisors I know, take a class with Financial Peace University.  Get settled into your own finances, and then you will know what is your business and what isn't someone else's. http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu

People who get into your financial discussions too quickly should be red-flagged for a reason.